Confrontation is one of the most awkward human experiences. Telling your mom that you don’t like the things she said in front of others or letting your friend know that you feel wronged are difficult conversations that feel so uncomfortable. Confrontation can strain a relationship. Because of this, people generally shy away from it. However, a tale as old as time that still rings true today is that growth comes from being uncomfortable.
Conflict is a constant in relationships. Throughout life, you will find yourself surrounded by people who are like you, but also people who are not like you. Going through life exposes you to different opinions and viewpoints that are specific to an individual’s lived experience and circumstances. People who differ from you will challenge you, what you believe, and why you believe it. Differing opinions are an opportunity for growth. People with different experiences will expand your mind and challenge your way of thinking. Yet, this growth is not without hurdles and is therefore not easily granted. Most of the time, differing opinions result in conflict. Confrontation is not the most popular form of conflict resolution, but it should be.
Confrontation does not equate to fighting. It is an acknowledgement of the elephant in the room and the active steps taken towards addressing it. It is the decision not to be passive about the people that you care about. Find appreciation in those people who choose to confront you. Confrontation carries the risk of discomfort. It is a decision to put the relationship in a weird space for the sake of reconciliation. As opposed to sitting in unspoken animosity, never growing or moving on. This is one of the most difficult things that you can do, but it is necessary for growth in relationships that you care about.
Confrontation will not occur in relationships where parties have not created an accommodating environment. If you find yourself unable to confront someone, question whether you feel that you can speak about your feelings with that person or if you would rather remain silent. Question why you don’t think it is worthwhile to be honest about your feelings. Think about what that means about your current relationship and the relationship that you want. If you aren’t willing to be uncomfortable or butt heads, consider whether there is a future for the relationship.
Confrontation is difficult because it involves acknowledging your feelings. It is a difficult thing to do, and it carries a lot of consequences. Your relationship may change forever, for better or for worse. Deciding whether reconciliation and growth are worth that risk is an important decision. You don’t have to put yourself in that space for strangers, acquaintances, and surface-level friendships. Those are relationships that are supposed to be fun and light. Long-term, worthwhile relationships won’t always be fun.
There is an opportunity for growth in discomfort. Different people reveal different opinions. Different opinions result in conflict, which gives way to discomfort. However, when faced with confrontation, reframe the confrontation and what it means. View it as a mechanism of growth in a relationship, not a blockage.