Content warning: This article discusses different kinds of stalkers.
I am certain that almost every young womxn has, at some point, had to block an unrequited suitor for some reason or the other. It could be that he hasn’t stopped messaging you for the past 24 hours, or that he gets verbally abusive every time you take a little too long to reply, or even that he keeps showing up outside your house with flowers, proclaiming his undying love for you. It happens. Although it may seem innocent at the time, these are actually signs of a stalker.
There are 5 different kinds of stalkers that we come into contact with throughout our lives and it is important to know what attracts them, why they do it and how to deal with them.
- The Incompetent Stalker
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The first kind of stalker is called an ‘Incompetent Stalker’. This is the type of stalker that you have most likely dealt with before. This is a person who knows that their victim is not interested in them, but will continue pressing on and finding ways to show their true love for them. Their stalking can be viewed as incompetent and naïve in their attempts get their victim’s attention. Incompetent Stalkers feel that they deserve to be with their victim. They have poor social skills and don’t understand that their victim is uninterested and that their chances are little-to-none.
Although most of the time Incompetent Stalkers are not dangerous, they can make you feel uncomfortable and will not understand when you’ve said “no”. Personally, a good way I have ended a situation like this is with the old “I’m sorry I couldn’t answer your call! I was with my boyfriend”. Even when I was single – I used this all the time. I would never throw it in their face and say, “I’m not interested, I have a boyfriend,” because it can offend a fragile ego and make things get ugly real fast. Rather let them know you’re taken, and hopefully they will shy away from the competition.
- The Rejected Stalker
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The second type of stalker is the ‘Rejected Stalker’. This is the most common as well as the most dangerous. When a relationship ends there is a huge possibility that one member has rejected the other. The rejected stalker will want to fix things, however as soon as they realize that they can’t they become aggressive and vengeful. A Rejected Stalker can become violent and abusive to their victim. Be aware of this possibility, especially if your ex has a history of violence or a previous personality disorder.
It is important to trust your instincts when dealing with a break-up or a rejection. If you have any feeling or inclination that a man is going to get violent YOU NEED TO TRUST THAT. Trust your intuition and act on it before they do. Put precautions in place so that you cannot be contacted or accessed by the person. If you are currently in this position, or know someone who is in it, please contact the GBV hotline and they will discuss ways that you can stay safe.
- The Intimacy Seeking Stalker
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The third type of stalker is an ‘Intimacy Seeker’. This is often what celebrities deal with. An Intimacy Seeking Stalker often has delusions which leads to a made-up relationship in their victim. Often, this type of stalker will mark it in their mind that their victim is ‘special’ and highly romanticizes them. It does not matter how many times this person is rejected or how many legal actions have been put into place, they will continue their pursuit of their victim, seeing all their obstacles as mere tests of their love.
The Intimacy Seeking Stalker believes that their victim is their true love. If this has happened to you, it is probably a person you have never met who believes that you are the love of their life. Maybe it’s a stranger on the internet who comments on all your photos and has started sending you gifts and inappropriate messages. The best way to get rid of this Stalker is to make sure that all your accounts are private and that you keep strict control on who can view your posts on social media. If you block them on an account, they will simply make another and stalk you again.
- The Resentful Stalker
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The fourth type of stalker is a ‘Resentful Stalker’. This is a vengeful kind of stalker who does not wish to have an intimate relationship with their victim, but would rather destroy the person’s life. This type of stalker either has a specific vendetta against their victim or was aggravated before they saw the person and has blamed them for something that has gone wrong in their life. The Resentful Stalker wants to create distress and instil fear into their victims.
This type of stalker has a very specific paranoid characteristic which makes them believe that other people are out to get them. They feel the need to take their frustrations out on a victim and make their life miserable. This is probably triggered by a feeling of inadequacy and seeing others doing well intensifies their feelings. This causes them to lash out and makes them feel that this vengeance is owed to them.
- The Predatory Stalker
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The last type of stalker is a ‘Predatory Stalker’. This is the most dangerous kind of stalker. This is the kind of person who will intricately research and find their victims deepest weaknesses and vulnerabilities and use it against them. This stalker will not give any warnings and will seek to sexually assault victims instead of having a relationship with them. Many of these stalkers will have prior sexual offenses and need to be kept in mental hospitals until they have been treated for their disorder.
The best way to deal with this type of stalker is to avoid them altogether. When you’re at a party make sure that your friends know where you are at all times. When you’re walking through town trust your instincts about the person who has been following you for 3 blocks. If you have come into contact with this type of stalker, please contact the GBV hotline and they will forward you to a team that can help.
It is important to have the knowledge about different types of stalkers that we have to face when we are out living our day-to-day lives, especially as young womxn. It is also important to know that you should never feel bad for blocking someone because they are hurting you or making you feel uncomfortable. Keep putting your mental health before other people’s egos and reach out to friends and family if you have a feeling that someone is getting out of hand.
Stay safe and keep glowing.
Your girl, Nat
NATIONAL GBV HOTLINE: 0800 150 150