So we all have those embarrassing experiences we hardly talk about. I just happen to have a list of such embarrassing moments that I still can’t believe happened to me. For interest sake, I will share only a few here.
The “Of Course I Have A Mind” moment
English is not my first language but a third one that I had to learn almost from scratch. One day, in my English class, my teacher stopped at my desk and started looking at my notebook. It was full of stickers and decorations, so his curiosity got the best of him and he asked: “Do you mind if I take a look at your book?”. I looked up at him with clear indignation. “Did he just ask me if I have a mind? The gut!”, I said to myself. He saw the look on my face and before he could say anything else I went: “Of course I have a mind, Mister! I’m not stupid. I have a mind and a brain” – don’t forget the French accent. By that time, the whole class of about 15 students is looking at us. To make my point even clearer I reiterated: “yes, I have a mind”. The teacher, who until then was looking confused, finally understood what was going on. He calmly explained to me that by saying “do you mind if I take a look at your book”, he was only asking for my permission to look at my book. I had taken the sentence a little bit too literally I guess… I then understood that I was the one in the wrong and gave a shy smile then went back to my notebook. Damn you, stickers!
The “You Tell Her” moment
After my English school I started high school. My uniform, like that of many high schoolers in South Africa, consisted of a shirt, a short skirt, tights and of course a heavy bag. I was on my way to the bus stop when I noticed that two young men were following me. I had no idea what they wanted but oh boy, they looked suspicious. To make matters worse, the street I took was not heavily populated. I turned around just so I could give them “the look” and maybe they would leave me alone but it didn’t work. However, I heard one of them whispering: “You tell her” and the other responded: “no you tell her”. It is then that I got the light bulb moment. They fell under my charm! When I got this “revelation”, I was already close to the bus stop, so I walked confidently until I got to my bus. As I reached out to take my bag off, I felt that the back of my skirt was stuck up at the level of my waist and my behind was exposed the entire time! Those tights were thin enough to show my panties inside but thick enough to make me totally oblivious to what was happening. Those guys were not under my charm but rather too embarrassed themselves to tell me what was going on, hence the whispered: “you tell her”. Now that was embarrassing.
The “Why Are You Laughing” moment
Remember how I struggled to understand English before? So one day, my sister took me and my brother to her friends’ birthday party. There were not many people and I was the only one there who did not speak English fluently yet. I don’t like being “the new girl” and therefore decided to not make the language barrier obvious. When somebody made a joke, I laughed just like everybody else. When they made some facial expressions, I mimicked them in my own way until a man said something and everybody just burst out laughing. I too joined in and laughed so hard I was hanging on my brother’s arm for support. I then looked at him as he wasn’t laughing. “Why aren’t you laughing?” I said. “Because the guy is speaking Afrikaans. So why are you laughing?”, he responded. It is only then that I understood that the group had switched to Afrikaans without me even knowing it as I could not tell the difference between the two languages. Oh, God, why me?
The “Come Holy Spirit” moment.
I am quite a spiritual human being. Yes, I’m a “church girl” and so listening to Gospel music has always been and is one of my favourite things to do. One afternoon, I was listening to Holy by Kim Walker. The song basically worships God for His holiness and I remember getting so deep into the moment that I closed my eyes, sat on the couch close to the door and just started worshipping. In that instant I started asking the Holy Spirit to come and fill me. The Holy Spirit is the third person of the Trinity as God is the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit and it is often described as a wind. There I was, praying for the wind of the Holy Spirit to fill the room. I knew one of my sisters was watching me from the kitchen, but I didn’t care, I just wanted Holy Spirit so I prayed for just a few minutes and literally felt a cold wind sweeping into the room and was like “Yes! Holy Spirit is here”. However, my curiosity forced me to open my eyes. Oh Lord. The wind came in because I was sitting next to the door that my sister had just opened to go out.
The “Jack Black” moment
Some time ago, I was being tutored by a man who was so accomplished – the type of man you really do not want to look stupid in front of. With such people, you want to be well-mannered and well-spoken. Like really, all those big (and sometimes inappropriate) words you want to use them while conversing with him. For instance, “Oh how I cried when I was amputating the onions”. Makes sense? No, but a big word? Yes, so well done. “What type of music are you into lately?” he asked. I obviously was not going to tell him that I’ve had “Let it Go” on repeat, duh! I did a quick scan in my mind and decided to pick classical music but Mozart was a bit too typical. I then remembered another classical composer. It took me a few seconds but his name eventually made its way to my tongue. “Jack Black is my favourite composer,” I said with a broad smile. He really looked surprised but then said, “okay” and we started the lesson. His facial expression told me that he clearly did not know who Jack Black was. And there I was, thinking he was so knowledgeable. It was a once-off lesson so we said our goodbyes and when I got home, something did not sit well with me. I then Googled “Jack Black”. Oh my word! Why does it keep happening to me! Black is an American actor (the one in Gulliver’s Travels and Jumanji) and the name I meant to mention was Sebastian Bach. My consolation? I will never see that man again. Guess what? I came across him randomly a few days later… No jokes.
As a bonus, I asked my sister: “Could you please remind me of one moment when I did something that was embarrassing?” Her answer was: “All the time”. There you have it!