TW: Rape, sexual harassment, sexual abuse and sexual assault.
The stigma surrounding rape and the lack of education about consent often discourage rape victims from reporting those who violated them. The stigma and common stereotypes about rape have made it nearly impossible for male rape victims to be taken seriously and report their perpetrators. In almost every movie where a male character goes to prison, there is a joke about male rape, men who tell their rape stories on Twitter are often ridiculed, and the stereotype that men always want to have sex has put them in situations where their ‘no’ is not respected.
Consequences of male rape jokes
Male rape and sexual harassment have become so desensitised that movie producers do not mind including jokes about male rape in their films. Male rape and sexual harassment are so normal that there are people who believe that men cannot be rape victims, and comedians and movie producers who joke about it are rarely denounced, some even believe that men cannot be raped.
When actor Terry Crews came forward as a victim of sexual assault, he was told that what he had experienced was “not abuse” and that it was “just a joke” Crews testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee on behalf of the Sexual Assault Survivors’ Bill of Rights. During his testimony, he recounted the assault, which occurred in 2016. Crews were allegedly groped by the then-head of William Morris Endeavour’s motion pictures department, Adam Venit. Crews were asked about his experience after revealing that he had been sexually harassed. He said that Expendables producer Avi Lerner asked him if he would drop his lawsuit against Adam Venit so he could star in the fourth Expendables movie and that he was threatened with “trouble” if he did not. According to the actor, this is an example of how “abusers support abusers.” Crews faced criticism and ridicule from other men, including rapper 50 Cent. He posted a meme with two pictures of Crews on Instagram that read, “I got raped – my wife just watched… Gym time.” In the caption, he wrote, “LOL what the f**k is going on out here man? Terry: I froze in fear. They would have had to take me to jail. Get the strap.” This shows that rape jokes not only desensitise male rape/sexual harassment but also allow society to devalue the pain of male rape victims.
Twitter threads about male rape
If you use Twitter frequently, you may have come across some tweets where men tell how they were raped and forced to have sex. Their stories are harrowing. Even more harrowing is the fact that they are often not taken seriously. They are either ridiculed under their tweet, or they explain that they were laughed at when they told the people in their lives. I have never come across a tweet where the victim sought justice, which is very sad.
A Lifestyle Nigeria article featured a Twitter thread in which South African men recounted how they were raped by older women when they were children or teenagers. One of the men told of being raped every day by their helper every day before he went to nursery, one was 7 years old when he was abused and raped by his aunt and eventually got an STD. Another stated that he was raped by his friend’s mother when he was 16 or 17 years old, the user added that he continued to have sex with his friend’s mother until he became severely depressed and started overdosing pills. Another user recalled how he went to his friend’s house and caught the maid raping his friend’s 1-year-old brother in the bedroom.
There are more stories in this article, each as horrifying as the last. These are stories that are often not taken seriously because the victims are expected to be happy about what happened to them because they are men and because men are expected to always want to have sex, no matter how young or old they are.
Consent and women
Almost every time I listen to a lecture about consent or read an article about it, men are generally urged to respect it, which is understandable. The more time I spent on TikTok and watching YouTube videos, the more I realised that women also need to be educated that men have sexual boundaries and that their “no” equally means “no. ” Men are often portrayed as sex-obsessed beings who never say “no” to sex. This may be true for some men, but it is harmful to assume that all men are sex-obsessed. This stereotype is very damaging because if they say ‘no’ to sex, it is assumed that either there is something wrong with them or they no longer find their partner attractive. In an article titled ‘CONSENT: WHY WOMEN ALSO NEED TO BE TAUGHT TO RESPECT IT’ by Chattr magazine, writer Jade Parker explains how women in her circle of friends react when a man refuses to have sex with them. Parker says that there are “two-base reactions” to a man who refuses to have sex. The first reaction is for women to ignore the fact that their partner has not consented and try to get them in the “mood” for sex. Then, when the man still refuses, the second reaction occurs. The woman gets upset and claims that her partner no longer finds her attractive and claims that he must be gay or is not a real man. Parker adds that this can lead to “gaslighting; psychologically manipulating the victim (the man) into doubting themselves and their own feelings, making them think something is wrong with them for not giving consent.”
Consent goes both ways, both women and men must respect it, both must learn all about it. Rape must be taken seriously, regardless of who the victim is. All rape jokes are problematic, whether they are about men or women. Rape jokes about men are not funny, they are harmful. Many male victims are forced to keep quiet about their rape for fear of being ridiculed and not receiving justice because of their sex.