“Love Languages” – a term that’s been popping up more frequently these days, one that holds more power than you’d think. “So”, you may ask, “what are love languages?”
Let’s consider how easy it is to be misunderstood when you’re having a conversation with somebody who barely understands the language you’re speaking. Love languages work in pretty much the same way.
The concept was introduced by Gary Chapman, author of the acclaimed book, ‘The Five Languages of Love.’ Basically, Mr. Chapman claims that we each have a love language, which is a certain way we like to be treated that makes us feel most special and loved. Knowing your partner’s love language makes for better communication and an overall healthier relationship. Similarly, knowing your own love language makes it easier to communicate what makes you feel most loved.
You fill your partner’s “love tank” by speaking their love language, because you’re actively doing things you know are important to them. Successful relationships do not require you and your partner to have the same love language, it simply means you need to identify each other’s and treat them accordingly. Mutual exchange is so important!
Let’s figure out your love language, shall we?
- Quality time
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Someone whose love language is quality time enjoys time spent with others without any external distractions. These distractions may be in the form of technology, other people or just general errands that distract us from the present moment. Full, undivided attention is appreciated; where you’re able to communicate and bask in each other’s presence. Failure to genuinely listen and show interest in what this person is saying is particularly hurtful. Being mindful and just living in the moment, together, is what this person thrives upon.
- Words of affirmation
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Someone with this love language relies heavily on constant reassurance through spoken word. Nothing makes this person feel more loved than their partner vocalising their love and appreciation. Unsolicited compliments are particularly heartwarming. Randomly hearing the words “I love you” are extremely comforting, especially when you list the reasons as to why you love this person/ what makes them special. Negative language/insults and failure to express your feelings can be particularly hurtful to someone with this love language.
- Physical touch
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Someone with this love language feels love through being physically touched by their partner. Not to be confused with sexual intimacy, this love language is more about precious embraces of love. Timely touches show care and concern, and translates as warmth and safety. Constantly hugging, kissing, holding hands or even subtle touches on the arm of this person makes them feel most loved. Failure to constantly embrace this individual may translate as cold and neglectful.
- Acts of service
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This person feels most loved through the actions of their partner. Whatever task may ease the burden of this person, it is important to them that their partner does said task. This individual does not believe in begging their partner to do things for them, but feels loved when their partner does things out of their own will because they care. Tasks should be done out of love, not obligation. They feel cared for knowing that they always have someone to rely on and they truly believe in the concept of “actions speak louder than words.” Failure to see commitments through and not be a helping hand to this individual is particularly hurtful.
- Receiving gifts
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As materialistic as it may sound, this love language is not be confused with materialism. It is the thoughtfulness behind gifts that make someone with this love language feel valued and appreciated. Being surprised with little gifts is important to this person; small gestures to show that they are cared for- even in the form of something as humble as a handwritten note. Gifts are essentially a symbol of love, and thoughtless gifts are hurtful to this person. Showing your effort in the form of a random gift shows how you were thinking of this individual throughout your day.
If you identify a primary/ predominant love language, it doesn’t mean that you do not value the others. It simply means that there is one you resonate with at your core, something that is undeniably you. If you are unsure as to what your love language is, consider which actions hurt you the most. For example, if you feel most hurt when someone is constantly on their phone/texting when around you, then your love language is probably Quality Time. If you still feel unsure, taking the quiz designed to help you discover your love language at: www.5lovelanguages.com should do the trick.
Here’s to healthier and happier relationships!