There are 5 pre-incident signals that an attacker shows in their “interview” to see if they can take advantage of you or not.
*These 5 indicators are based off years of knowledge and research by psychologists and experts in the field. For this article as well as the clear statistics, most of my examples will be using males as attackers. However, these rules do apply to anyone. If you’d like to read more about these warning signs check out the book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker https://gdba.com/resources/*
All 5 signals are things that people do every day, but when they are paired with a person’s disregard for you saying ‘no’ or declining them, that is when you need to be cautious. The 5 signals are: forced teaming, too many details, typecasting, loansharking and unsolicited promises. The first one we will discuss is called Forced Teaming.
- Forced Teaming
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Forced Teaming is done by the attacker when they verbally pair you together as a “team”, almost as if you are in the same situation together. This is done to create a sense of trust between you and the stranger. It can look like something as simple as, “Oh I guess we’re both going the same direction”, or “They shouldn’t make us wait in a queue like this.” The attacker wants you to think that you share an experience or a purpose, when in reality it is a lie – a form of sophisticated manipulation for you to see them as part of your team and start to trust them. The second thing you need to pay attention to is when a person is giving too many details.
- Too Many Details
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Being told too many details, in any situation, means that a person is trying to convince you of something. Ask yourself “why is this person trying to convince me of this?” Most of the time this is done to distract you. An attacker is giving you so many details that you can lose sight of why this person is talking to you and it can dull your attentiveness. Generally, your instincts will pick this up and it will cause you not to trust the person. Remember not to push that instinct down and to trust what it’s trying to tell you.
- Typecasting
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The third signal is called Typecasting. Typecasting is when a person labels you in a critical way in order to make you want to prove them wrong. When someone says, “Oh a snob like you probably wouldn’t talk to a guy like me”, “A beautiful girl like you probably has a boyfriend”, it is a blatant form of manipulation. They want you to try and disprove their statement. The best way to stop this is to be rude and ignore them or simply agree with their rude statement about you. An attacker needs to know that they cannot manipulate you from the word go. Most of the time, typecasting will go hand-in-hand with loansharking.
- Loansharking
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Loansharking is when someone wants to help you in order to have you in their debt. The attacker will want you to feel like you owe them something. An easy example of this is when a man buys you a drink at a club and expects something in return “But I bought you a drink so please do this for me”. Or perhaps a man helps you with a basic thing like carrying groceries and then asks for a favour, like if he can come in for some water or get a lift to a nearby station. It is important to know when you are being loan-sharked and have the mental capacity to decline the person of whatever they want. The last and final signal that you need to be aware of is unsolicited promises.
- Unsolicited Promises
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This is when a person makes a promise without you asking for one. “I just need to use the bathroom at your apartment, I promise I will be in and out.” Ask yourself why this person is trying to convince you. There is reason to doubt – the person is telling you themselves! A promise is mainly used when the predator can see that you are doubtful or unsure about them. Pay attention to the person in front of you, stay present and keep an ear out for unsolicited promises.
These 5 pre-incident indicators: forced teaming, too many details, typecasting and loansharking, and unasked for promises, are things that many people do in their daily lives. But when these signs are coupled with a person’s disregard for you saying “No” or “No thank you” it means that there is a high chance that you might be a victim of someone’s violent behaviour. If this is the case, make sure you get yourself to a safe space immediately. If you cannot leave, contact a nearby friend or relative and make sure they know where you are by sending your location and asking for backup.
These are vital principles that can end up being the reason that you make it home safely at the end of the day. Please share these signals with your girlfriends, your mom, your sister, your bestie. Stay safe out there and keep grinding.