Have you ever wondered what the UCT fountain’s thoughts are on the drought? Perhaps you’ve pondered why the vending machines insist on being the shadiest bunch on campus? Or maybe even how the fire extinguishers feel about being used for anything but their purpose when it’s Fees Must Fall season? Inspired by Brandon Stanton’s thought-provoking photoblog series, Humans of New York, Inanimate Objects of UCT seeks to bring to light the stories that would never be thought of as important enough to be heard, but, regardless, are desperate to be told. This week, in an interview with the Jammie stairs, we are given insight into their work ethic, their thoughts on purpose and their greatest pet peeve.
“We are often asked the question, ‘Don’t you find your job demeaning?’ Obviously we’re a bit taken aback at first, but you have to take a step out of your headspace and realise that, first and foremost, people think about themselves. ‘How would I feel in such-and-such a situation?’ is the first question anyone asks when confronted with things that don’t make sense to them. And, yes, it probably is the right question to ask when dealing with other humans. But, with trademark human lack of common sense, they always tend to forget the keyword in this situation. In any case, that word is: Humans. Humans. Are we humans? No! Do we have any other purpose but to be stepped upon? No! Then how could the purpose for which we were explicitly created be demeaning?!”
“Sometimes it is!”
“Excuse me, but is this your interview, Jerry?”
“No, but you’re using ‘we’ as if you’re talking about all of us, as if we all feel the same. That’s not fair. I have dreams too, damn it!!”
“You’ll have to excuse Jerry. We don’t have much else to do all day than to eavesdrop. Although we all warned him not to take things to heart, Jerry just can’t help himself. It’s not the best idea considering that most of the things we overhear come from fairly young humans, little more than babies. I myself find it pitiful. Or is it pitiable? I’m not sure, but the point is it’s sad. I mean can you imagine being created and not knowing your purpose? Stairs, as I said, are created with our purpose in mind. Yet, even when humans themselves are planned, their lives aren’t. They have to find their purpose. How do I know this? Like I said: Eavesdropping. You’ll hear at least two conversations a day about purpose. ‘Am I doing the right course?’ ‘I’m just here for my parents’ ‘I’m here to find myself’.
Now Jerry’s gotten the idea into his head that he needs to find himself. These young humans can be devilishly influential, that’s why it’s not the best idea to take what they sat to heart. But, no, Jerry wants to be a- I can’t even say it! He wants to… dance. There’s this young female human who used to come out to the plaza every day to practice her dance routines. While I will admit that she was extraordinary and after all those conversations on ‘purpose’, can you imagine the effect those routines had on Jerry?”
“I will dance, you just watch me!”
“Jerry you are a stair, how are you a going to move?!”
“Humans call us “steps”, don’t they?”
“It’s a nickname! You can’t actually step! I’m so sorry, I know he’s exasperating, but imagine having to listen to it every day. It tests me, it really does. But, besides Mr Dancing Step over there, do you know what I find most exasperating? No it’s not the fact that humans sit on us. I can imagine why you’d think it would be that, but I can afford to be a bit lenient. The shadows they cast while sitting give us such blissful relief from the sun. No, what really gets me mad is when humans run on the stairs. Up or down it doesn’t really matter, because either way it’s bad for us. I’ll give you a scenario. It’s 8:55 am and class starts at 9:00 am in Hoerikwaggo. With a large, piping hot, sugary sweet coffee in hand the human decides at that minute that they’d rather not be late and proceeds to sprint up the stairs. But, oh dear, they misstep and hurtle to their knees. Luckily they catch themselves. But what do you think they didn’t manage to catch? I’ll give you one guess.”