We have all been there. We have all fallen for the trap of investing our time, energy and even hard-earned money into a situation-ship, hoping it will turn into a relationship we can post all over social media and be proud to tell our parents about. However, for many of us the harsh realities of a situation-ship, which I like to call an ‘almost’, leave us heartbroken and drunk texting at 3 am in Boogies’ bathroom ( I know- extremely specific). The end of an ‘almost’ relationship is something we young people face way too often and getting over someone you never actually dated, and your family never met, is hard. Or worse, getting over someone your family loves and keeps asking about. Fast forward three years and countless hours spent stalking his Instagram, I have overcome the pain that comes with the ‘almost’ and want to share what I have learned with you.
There were many moments after the first ‘break-up’ where I did not feel entitled to have the feelings I was having, which is complete bullsh*t! Despite not dating, you are allowed to feel whatever it is you are feeling. When you are invested in someone it hurts just the same when things do not work out. After my first ‘almost’, I felt stupid for not seeing the signs that apparently everyone else saw. And after feeling stupid came anger- I was angry that he couldn’t just tell me how he felt so we could both move on. Instead he felt that to spare my feelings he would just pull a magic trick and disappear. After stupidity and anger came sadness paired with regret. I went through every conversation and every message hoping I would find the exact moment things changed between us. After going through every emotion you could possibly have, you end up with acceptance. You find that you have to accept the things you cannot change. That only comes with time.
The time that you take for yourself after your ‘almost’ relationship is critical to working through the pain. Not forever, but just time to figure out your feelings and where you stand with yourself. Be aware that it is going to take a while or, for some lucky few, you might find comfort in putting yourself back out there in hopes of meeting the Right One. However long it takes you to get over them, try not to spend time trying to figure out how to get them back or what went wrong. I know I spent the first few months hoping if I changed my hair or took up gyming he would see I no longer cared about him and would come running back (that sh*t never happens, trust me). After my ‘almost’ relationship it took me a year to get over him. Despite the fact I was going out and meeting new people, my mind always went to him.
Trust yourself in knowing what you need, but also listen to your friends who had to listen to you moan and complain about *insert name here*. Your friends know what you need even if you don’t agree. Just listen to them and you might learn something about yourself you never knew before.
Sometimes the ending of an ‘almost’ can be the very best thing for you. I know that there were moments when I would wonder if I would spend the rest of my life caring for someone who ‘isn’t into labels’ or ‘doesn’t date’. Often when we let go of something, we see the effects that person or interest had in our lives whether it be good or bad. Let the pain drive you to love better, be braver and live more. Let that ‘almost’ be your last ‘almost’. Don’t settle for what you think an individual can only give you. Find someone who can share you with you.