Welcome to Her Campus UCT’s first post in our sex column!
This column will explore all sorts of activities related to the topic of sex. We want this to be a wide-reaching column that allows sexual experiences, advice, research and so much more to be openly spoken about. We believe that womxn are too often shown/taught that sex should be a topic to hide from, leading to womxn seeking information via the Internet instead of talking about it to one another.
We created this column, because you can depend on your Her Campus community to provide you with inclusive articles written by young people at similar points in their lives as you. We are making this possible by calling for as many people to contribute to this column as possible. Therefore, this column will be written under a pseudonym with many authors along the way. This will ensure transparency, diversity, and inclusivity. We hope it will be a safe space that will provide you with insights that will help inform your own journeys – information is empowering! If there is anything you are curious about or want us to write about next – let us know! So, without further ado…
Let’s talk about sex.
Sex can be a viewed in a range of ways. Some call it the “purest act of love”, others believe it is reserved for marriage or “the one”, while some people don’t feel sex is an important part of a relationship. Something that rings true, is that everyone educated about sex, can admit that sex, small or big, plays a part in their life.
It is 2020 and we are making leaps and bounds in our understanding and acceptance/tolerance of peoples’ choices, sexuality and our steps toward dismantling sexual taboos. I am, however, still stunned by the amount of misinformation there is surrounding pleasure, desire, conception, birth control, and more. I have thus chosen to make the first article about addressing and debunking sex myths; because I feel like my younger self would have needed an article from a young womxn that showed me that asking questions about sex is okay.
Myth 1: “Rhythm on the dance floor, means sexual rhythm in bed.”
Debunked: This myth implies that if you can move your body sensually, you will be amazing during sex. This is false. The definition of the verbal form of ‘sex’ varies, but it is not exclusively the actual act of penetration. It is the sexual foreplay too. If a person can move their body well on the dance floor, who says that this person can kiss well or use their tongue well during oral sex? Overall, dance moves do not translate into good sex moves.
Myth 2: “You can only orgasm from your genitalia.”
Debunked: Orgasms are not all like a volcano eruption that leaves you screaming and moaning, to an eventual body-numbing end. Orgasms, like bodies, come in all sizes. It is defined as a peak of sexual excitement and in most cases lead to semen ejaculating and/or vaginal contractions.
What is important to note about the orgasm definition, is that orgasms are a peak of sexual excitement. For you, a peak may occur when your sexual partner bites your neck or sucks your toes. It can make you gasp for air or craving more. Only you can know what that orgasm feels like. I think it is difficult to define and wrong to force a definition upon, as people have their own sexual preferences and measure it differently.
An orgasm can come from your ears, neck, lips, nipples, belly button, knees, toes, clitoris, scrotum or any body part! This is the importance of exploring your own body and understanding the reaction you receive.
Myth 3: “More frequent masturbation makes achieving orgasm more difficult.”
Debunked: Masturbation is defined as the stimulation of one’s own genitals. It is a form of pleasing yourself and understanding what sensations and touches bring you sexual pleasure. This myth is false because understanding what brings you sexual enjoyment, can only lead to being able to bring yourself more sexual pleasure and orgasms. It also allows you to show your partner what you enjoy.
Myth 4: “A vagina will get looser the more penetrative sex you have.”
Debunked: This is false. An article I read a very long time ago, from a well-known sex educator, reassured me that this is simply not true. The way he has explained it, is by thinking of the vaginal walls as a tightly rolled towel and a sock inside that towel as a vagina. When something is inserted into that sock/vagina it cannot alter the tightness of the hand towel/vaginal wall. Overall, this is a myth that slut-shamers and misogynists have created; so educate yourself about the truth and ignore this myth.
Myth 5: “It takes longer for a womxn to climax than a man.”
Debunked: Climaxing can varying from person to person. For example, this is why 60-second penetrative sex works for some people, and why others require more foreplay. People can build to their climax in numerous ways, such as grinding, oral sex, kissing, being watched and being punished. It is the person’s sexual preference, and the intensity of the activity, that can lead to an earlier climax. There are so many more influencing factors that can play a role in later or earlier climax. So, this myth can only be a big assumption.
Myth 6: “Only Femxles have a g-spot.”
Debunked: Yes the g-spot exists for both femxles AND males. The g-spot is usually associated with femxles only, but both femxles and males have a walnut size and shaped gland, that when stimulated, can often lead to increased sexual pleasure and orgasm. The g-spot is a widely debated topic as it is hard to measure the pleasure (sometimes pain) and can vary in size and location (in centimeters) from person to person. They have very different locations in femxles and males, and I encourage you (if you intend on finding it) to look it up and understand where each is.
Myth 7: “Squirting is urine.”
Debunked: The act of squirting is a femxle form of ejaculating. The fluid comes from the urethra, the same as urine. It is a clear, tasteless and odourless fluid. Porn often depicts squirting as copious amount of fluid shooting out of the vagina. It can be like this, but it is often a small amount of fluid that is pushed out of the vagina. Squirting is an orgasm but is specific to a femxle and leads to this fluid being released.
Myth 8: “Anal is does not count as sex.”
Debunked: Anal is sex. There are lots of different kinds of sex; such as vaginal, oral, manual, mechanic, and anal. Different people view all different kinds of sex differently and it is their choice to do so. It is wrong to rank the type of sex according to its ‘impurity’. This is the reason for misleading myths and why there is still a toxic and hurtful approach to sexuality. Consensual and safe sex is sex – whether it is anal, vaginal or any other type.
Myth 9: “It is likely to get excrement on the penis/penetrative object while doing anal.”
Debunked: This is more of a realistic approach to the above myth, than debunking it. Excrement is stored in our rectum and anal is the penetration of this. It is absolutely normal to have some excrement there because that is where excrement is! You cannot avoid it. You can make an effort to go to the toilet before, to clean your cheeks and anus, or even douche – but nothing will take all he excrement out of your rectum. If this is your main cause for embarrassment with your partner, then maybe you should reconsider having anal with them and assess if you are ready to be opening your body to this person. People understand that this can happen, so don’t stress the small stuff! Nicki Minaj has a song called ‘Truffle Butter’, which is about this and should make you realise you can be confident and still sexy even if this does happen to you.
Those are my 9 myths that I felt I needed to have debunked as a young womxn. I hope that it allows you to explore you sexual preferences and feel confident in your pleasures.