Trigger warning: The content of this article includes graphic references to topics surrounding sexual abuse and violence.
‘Not all men are trash’, ‘I am a good guy’, ‘it’s only uneducated men that rape’. These are some of the awful defensive statements that many men often express with the intention of distancing themselves from being identified as perpetrators in this current pandemic of Gender-Based Violence.
I am conscious of the fact that I am a man. Nevertheless, I believe it is better to engage with this content from an objective approach in an attempt to avoid bias and prejudice.
The silence of most men during this movement has been too loud. At the same time, a portion of those who do participate still lack a true sense of grasping the experiences of those who are victimized (including some men), and rather choose to be defensive in such instances. Hence, the #NotAllMenAreTrash resistance that followed immediately after the #MenAreTrash movement; revealing a lack of understanding of the concept at large.
There seems to be a misconception of what gender-based violence is. In a nutshell, it is assault of physical, sexual, psychological and economic harm by one gender against another, motivated by gender inequality or dislike. For illustrative purposes, when a hetrosexual man assaults a homosexual man, this counts as GBV; a womxn assaulting or harassing a man still counts as GBV, although most cases are of a man assaulting a womxn. I feel the need to say this, simply because some men assume that the anti-GBV movement is against them. The anti-GBV movement values their rights and contribution in curbing this pandemic as much as anyone. It is just the media and society that under-represent and support men who are victims of the GBV.
With that being said, South African men should strive to be more vocal in this fight against GBV, by being less defensive, and rather, more active. The idea that society does not want them, must be let go. Most importantly, men should get rid of this persistent cancer of backing one another, especially in life-threatening circumstances. Take for instance the serial killing of eight women, including Zodwa Cele and Zama Chiliza, at uMthwalume:
The brother of the late suspected killer, Mafutha Khomo, who committed suicide, was aware that his brother was behind the death of the eight women, as stated on the SABC 1 news cover on the 22 of August 2020. Yet, he chose to keep it a secret until the death of his brother. Things may have turned out very differently, had he raised his voice and reported sooner. People should understand, that being a bystander or an observer to this kind of violence does not make you less guilty – the lives of those 7 women could have been saved if he acted.
The final thing I need to address, is that men who do not harass or rape women are not special, men who are not paedophiles are not special, and men who are not homophobic are not special either. They are acting how all men in society should be acting in the first place.
Men should strive to be better in society and should put all hands-on deck in curbing this GBV pandemic. Come forth and report suspicious activity! What is equally important, is that men who are victims of GBV should be encouraged to report these crimes, not be silent, nor normalize toxic behaviours. These are one of the many steps that men need to undertake to create a better South Africa.
References:
Khumalo, V. 2020. uMthwalume suspect’s brother believes he’s behind killing of neighbour. Sourced from: SABC1 NEWS, https://www.sabcnews.com/sabcnews/umthwalume-suspects-brother-believes-hes-behind-killing-of-neighbour/ [accessed: 31/08/2020]
Singh, O. 2020. I didn’t raise him like that, says mom of man implicated in KZN killings. Sourced from: TimesLive, https://www.timeslive.co.za/news/south-africa/2020-08-19-i-didnt-raise-him-like-that-says-mom-of-man-implicated-in-kzn-killings/ [accessed: 31/08/2020]