Breaking News To Your Parents

Whether we like it or not, we all at one point or another, depend on the idea of a parental-figure to keep us going. Sadly life is filled with hardship and obstacles that happen as a result of our decisions and the consequences following them. For instance, an unwanted pregnancy. Or even simple pregnancy scares. If this is your first (or even hundredth) pregnancy scare, the idea of raising a child as a child is frightening. There are some things you simply need guidance for which our loyal and trusted friends cannot comprehend but our parents do . And if you’re lucky enough to have decent parent-figures around it might be worth your time figuring out how to break some seemingly hectic news to them. 

This year I have had to break a lot of news to my (mostly) loving parents. From moving out, having my very first real pregnancy scare, telling them about past trauma for the first time, as well as directly confronting my parents about some of the ways their behaviour affects me. Because I have to face it: my parents really do influence me more than I would like to admit. 

Parents sometimes may seem like strict authoritarian figures that feel disappointed in our behaviour. I’ve started to realise that my parents are pretty much as human as I am and that they constantly make mistakes too. Perhaps their mistakes seem more mundane than ours at times, but that’s often either because we idolise our parents and don’t recognise the significance of their errors; or simply because they’ve already made and learnt from the same experiences that we are currently experiencing. Once you recognise that behind the mask of disappointment in our decisions, most parents simply want their children to be happy and it’s a lot easier to speak to your parents about the things that are troubling you. 

I’d like to share a few top “tricks” that I’ve found makes interacting with parents on difficult topics a tad bit easier for you. I can’t promise that it’s a recipe for success, but they’re tips that should, if utilised correctly, help you engage with your parents without them freaking out completely.  

Go prepared

I know sometimes I want to just run to my parents and cry about not fully understanding my sexuality. They love and respect my emotions but often don’t even have the terminology to properly engage with me on what I’m feeling. So, I try to combat this by educating myself on the different sexual orientations and gender expressions so that I can teach them to my parents. It sucks that my parents don’t do this on their own, but my taking responsibility to learn about it shows that I take the matter seriously which encourages my parents to take it seriously. 

Be understanding 

Recognise that your parents live their own lives on top of looking after you. There might be other contributing factors that lead to their reactions towards your sharing. They might have had the worst day at work and hearing your big news is the last straw. There’s only so much you can do to control the way people react to your news – at the end of the day all you can do is put across your point well and hope for support. 

Have patience

I’m sure many of us have realised: parents can sometimes be slow. Whether it be learning how to reboot the Wi-Fi router or even getting to the point of a story; parents have a tendency to take their time. Being patient with your parents can go a long way. It may seem frustrating at first, but know that it means they’re at least trying to engage with what you’re saying.

Don’t read too deeply into tone

It’s something we’ve all fallen victim to at least once: over-analysing the significance of someone’s tone of voice instead of focusing on the content they’re telling you. Recognise that our voices automatically change our tone depending on the circumstances we find ourselves in. There isn’t always some deep, psychological reasoning behind why people say things the way they do. Often, our voices naturally change without us even recognising it and that’s normal!

Don’t take sh*t

Now this one might come across as slightly controversial because different people have different relationships with their parents. I love and respect my parents, don’t get me wrong. But occasionally they don’t react in ways which are beneficial to me. If there’s one thing I’d like you to think about is that YOU are the one being vulnerable with your parents. Most people I’ve spoken to have agreed that university is one of the strangest, most strenuous places you will ever be in and if your parents can’t give you the support you feel you need – you might need to seek it elsewhere. Don’t forget about all the other people around you.