Ranking Valentine's Day Candy

We’re here. Valentine’s Day has passed and now we’re in the wonderful moment in time where we can reap the benefits of capitalism. The days after Valentine’s Day are the best because candy is marked down at a lower price and society is all the better for it. Not all candy is created equal, which is evident when you walk the aisles of the candy section at Target, for instance. Though there will be a lot of discounted candy, with my list I’d like to help you choose the best candy possible that will be the biggest bang for your buck.

  1. 1. Ghirardelli Chocolate Squares: Premium Chocolate Assortment

    These are the supreme of supreme chocolate brands. It’s the only chocolate you’d feel comfortable eating on any occasion, whether it be  Christmas, Easter, New Years, and of course, Valentine’s Day. It’s a wonderful gift to give, either to  yourself or that someone special. It’s no secret that this San Franciscian luxury chocolate is the best -- after all, it’s been around since 1852. What other chocolate brand has a whole Square named after it? 

  2. 2. Ferrero Collection Chocolate

    By no means can you ever go wrong with these bonbons. Now, I do not like chocolate-- surprising, yes, given my two favorite candies so far have been chocolate-- however, these little chocolate orbs melt right in my mouth and I can’t help but go through at least five of them before I caution myself to stop (and then eat five more). With gooey hazelnut on the inside and crunchy chocolate covered nuts on the outside, this chocolate is sure to please you or anybody you give it to.

  3. 3. Jolly Rancher Lollipops: Valentine Exchange

    I absolutely LOVE Jolly Ranchers, especially the watermelon flavor. However, whenever the Valentine’s Day themed lollipops come out, my heart is set on the Pink Lemonade flavor. Shaped in a heart, these lollipops make you feel like a schoolgirl extra on the set of Britney Spears’ music video for “Oops...I Did it Again.” If you want to be selfless, you can write on the packages and give these babies out to your loved ones. The red lollipop is also a great lipstick if you ever run out of your regular one.

  4. 4. Fun Dip: Valentine

    These are here if you just want that sugar buzz. It also carries that big nostalgic factor for when innocent elementary schoolers would turn into ruthless bargainers on Valentine’s Day. The broken friendships and bonds never lasted long though, as the next day people made up after the sugar hangovers. The white stick is flavorless and bland because if this brand added any more sugar, I’m afraid children everywhere would unite and take over the world. 

  5. 5. Starbursts Heart Shaped Jellybeans

    Regular starbursts in the shape of hearts. Nothing more to be said.

  6. 6. Conversation Hearts

    These don’t taste like anything. In fact, if I were to describe them, all I can say is that I’m pretty sure it’s digestible chalk created by chalk manufacturers so they can make a sale by reusing the leftover chalk from schools. Sure the messages on the hearts are nice, but sometimes you don’t even get a full message, or any message, and the one good thing about these candy hearts are gone. I only add these candies here because it wouldn’t be a true Valentine’s Day season without them.

Whether you’re eating these candy treats by yourself or with your loved ones, I hope you enjoy them. Not only for their taste, but for how low of a price you got them for by getting them after Valentine’s Day. Relish in beating the system, ladies and theydies. You deserve it.