Many people have experienced a form of emotional manipulation in one relationship or another, whether it be from a family member, friend, or partner. Often, signs may be subtle and hard to identify, especially when you are on the receiving side.
If you think you might have been or are currently in a relationship built on manipulation, I will point out a few big red flags that might help you recognize signs and give a few tips for what to do next.
- Emotional Bullying
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Possibly the biggest indication of manipulation is psychological bullying. This can be utilized through constantly criticizing the way you live your life or the decisions you make. If these critiques come off as mean, oftentimes it will be covered up by saying that it was “just a joke” or “not that big of a deal”. Similarly, manipulators will downplay your issues, taking your personal obstacles and invalidating them to make you feel as if their issues are far more important than your own. A form of this is called gaslighting, where a manipulator instills self-doubt, causing you to question your reasoning behind statements or actions.
- Twisting Facts
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Many of the things manipulators do is in an attempt to make themselves seem more vulnerable or understate their involvement in conflicts to gain sympathy. By changing or exaggerating facts of events, you may be easily deterred from truths and be more likely to side with them. This tactic is an easy way for manipulators to isolate you from other loved ones: changing facts of situations in order to lose trust in others. An example of this could be a circumstance in which your partner and a close friend got in a fight, resulting in your partner completely changing around what had happened, making your friend look like the instigator. Repeated use of this could easily bring down the foundations of previously healthy relationships.
- Financial Abuse
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Financial abuse is often a tactic used in order to “trap” someone in a relationship. The easiest way this is possible is if a partner or a family member has access to or control over your finances. When in control of this, money can be spent without your knowledge or permission because of a sense of entitlement to your hard-earned and saved money. Job interference is another huge strategy here; pressuring you to quit, preventing you from being able to go to work by hiding car keys, and heavily critiquing your choice of career are prime examples of this. Once you have lost a steady source of income or the access to that income, it may become incredibly difficult to seek help.
And always, if you are feeling unsafe, or are left feeling completely unsure of yourself in their wake, this is a sign that you might be experiencing manipulation.
After identifying the severity of your situation, there are a few things that you can do. Try your best to avoid the people that engage in this manipulation and speak to others about your circumstances, if it is safe for you to do so. Make your boundaries known to everyone around you, even if you feel that being assertive is perceived as rude; your safety is most important. In addition, if the type of emotional manipulation is severe there is always professional counseling and support groups that you can receive help from. If you are in a position in which it is unsafe to reach out for these resources, call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-(800)-799-7233.