People coming in and out of your life and changing you in many ways, is something to be expected of life– especially as a young adult. This is a universal truth. Meeting new people has the ability to influence your decisions, shape who you are as a person, and create models for relationships you will have or want to have in the future. Unfortunately, people do not always have a positive effect on your life.
When it comes to being a people pleaser, it means people constantly coming into your life and maybe making those changes for the worse, when they should be changing you for the better. If you’re like me, you likely go out of your way to appease these people and keep them happy. It gets to a point where all you feel is anxiety when you’re around them. Once you can’t think of any reasons to keep them in your life, that’s when you know that they shouldn’t be.
Letting these people into your life and giving them the power to affect you like this, usually means that you will continue invite more of the same. More and more people will want to dictate how you view yourself and how you make your decisions. The thought of displeasing them stays in the back of your brain, growing and festering until it takes up all the corners of your mind. Rather than doing what is right for you, you do what you think they will approve of. You do not feel yourself anymore. You are what they want and need you to be.
This is extremely harmful and toxic. Your relationships are supposed to have a positive impact on you and help you grow into a better person. This should be the case for all types of relationships, whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial. More importantly, the people in your life are supposed to have a positive impact on your relationship with yourself.
It is truly an act of self-love to prioritize your mental health over these toxic individuals, by cutting them off. Maybe it feels like they could be good people deep down, but that is not your responsibility to find out, nor is it for you to decide. You may feel guilty at first, but in the long run you will feel much better. You may even feel selfish for putting yourself first, but there is no way to grow otherwise; there is no way to describe the relief that will come from cutting these people off. If they ever caused you harm, they should not have been into your life in the first place, and you’re better off without them.