“What?! Why?!”
These were the first words out of my dad’s mouth when I told him I was going to get a nose piercing. He knew there was nothing he could do to stop me, but he just couldn’t understand why I would want to “put a hole in my face.”
Saying my dad was unhappy with my decision would be the understatement of the year. Yelling “But why?!” at me over and over again was not my dad’s only reaction to my sudden decision to alter my appearance. When I told my dad that it was my face being altered, not his, he responded with, “Well, that’s not necessarily true.” After bursting into laughter and agreeing that technically my face is 50 percent his, I tried to calmly explain that this piercing is not forever.
The rest of my immediate family was also not thrilled about my decision. When I told my brother about wanting a nose ring, he, uncharacteristically, did not care. In all honesty, I expected my brother to flip out at me and tell me how stupid a nose piercing would look. In reality, besides telling me he hates rings and that I should get a stud, he was actually cool with it.
My mom sounded hesitant in accepting my choice, but I really appreciated that she was trying hard to sound supportive. She even told me, “They can look cute sometimes. I’m sure it’ll look beautiful on you.” I knew my mom would be the most understanding of the bunch, as she always tries to support my decisions, whether she agrees with them or not.
After discussing with both my mom and brother on the matter, my dad apologized for overreacting. This may seem like a small gesture, but to me, it meant the world. This may have been one of the first times my dad has ever apologized to me for yelling, and despite his unhappiness with my decision, he accepted it for what it was: MY decision.
While my dad’s reaction was bad, it was nothing compared to the reactions of my grandparents. They were in hysterics after I told them about my nose piercing. I told my grandma over text, “Hey grandma, just warning you, I got a small nose ring! It’s really cute, subtle, and super common. Don’t freak out, it’s really not a big deal!” My grandma was inconsolable, hysterically crying, and claiming that it was going to lead to a hoard of other facial piercings and nipple piercings as well. She said she wouldn’t look at me if I had a nose ring in, and that I would have to take it out when I see them, which was not feasible because I had only had the piercing for a week. My grandpa told my mom that he raised her and my uncle the right way. After hearing this clear implication that my parents did not raise me right, my mom hung up on my grandparents. My mom had decided that we wouldn’t be able to visit my grandparents over Thanksgiving, but I rejected that entirely.
After sending my grandma a picture of my newly pierced face to show her how low-key the piercing is, I called my grandparents and calmly explained why this decision is not as big of a deal as they think it is. I told my grandma that this piercing was not forever, and that it would not lead to more piercings. I calmly told her that removing the piercing when I see her for Thanksgiving is not a possibility since the piercing is so new. I also made it very clear that even if I did decide to get other piercings that she doesn’t approve of, that’s my decision and it’s my body — not hers. When my grandpa told me he thought my piercing would “turn the boys off,” I calmly responded with, “Pardon my French, Grandpa, but I don’t give a shit what the boys think.” My grandpa had told my parents that they should have threatened to cut me off financially for my decision to get a nose ring, to which I told my grandpa that I go to an amazing university, I am a great student, I have ambitious career goals, and I am a good person. A small piece of jewelry in my face should not cause my parents to make a rash decision that could ruin my future success.
I told my grandparents that they needed to apologize to my mom for hurting her feelings and making a deeply offensive comment about her parenting style. While my mom was furious about my grandpa’s comment, I was more hurt by his words than I realized initially. My grandpa had said that I wasn’t raised right, and that was not an acceptable comment to make. While my grandma apologized on his behalf, I will tell him that I want an apology from him the next time I see him.
All in all, these familial fights made me feel closer to my family altogether. My nose piercing made me even more proud of my relationship with my mom, as her support means more to me than anything else. My brother’s ambivalence made me proud, as he would have been more authoritative in telling me not to get one when he was younger. These fights undoubtedly helped me and my dad become closer. I know I will never forget his apology, and this conversation was probably one of the most mature discussions I’ve ever had with my dad. When I was arguing with my grandparents, my dad had my back 100 percent for making my own decisions. As far as my relationship with my grandparents goes, I believe this bump in the road helped me prove to them that I’m not a kid anymore. I was able to calmly and concisely establish myself as an adult who can make her own decisions and will stand up for herself and her parents without hesitation.