Why Do We Self-Sabotage? I’ve Got Theories…
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Need I explain what I mean by such a phrase as self-sabotage? Well, picture this: It’s been weeks since you’ve seen your ex. Things ended on bad terms- he said some things, you said some things. Then one boring Sunday afternoon you make a spontaneous decision to shoot him a text, inviting him over to catch up over a few drinks. You know all too well the night will end in regret, and yet you proceed with it. You’re knowingly going to make a mistake. This is self-sabotage. If you’ve ever made a questionable decision like the one described and wondered WHAT WAS I THINKING, WHY DID I DO THAT?… I have a few ideas:
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#1 ENTERTAINMENT!
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Hello?! We are the stars of our own personal TV show where we are both the star and the audience. When things start to get boring, it’s only natural to want to stir the pot a little. You may be committing an instantly regrettable mistake, but hey, at least your entertained for the evening. The drama you just injected into your own life serves as a distraction from all of the lonely, overwhelming, tiring normalities of your daily life.
#2 FEAR
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In order to understand what I mean by this form of self-sabotage, let me paint a little picture: You have a big interview, and yet you cannot find the strength nor the motivation to drag your body out from under the covers. When you finally do, you’re forced to sloppily yet swiftly get ready in five minutes before you race out the door. Naturally, you’re late to the interview, and to top it off you forgot your resume and can picture exactly where it’s sitting on your kitchen counter. Needless to say, you blew the interview. Hard. There’s no one to blame, because you know very well the day was self-sabotaged.
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Wondering why anyone would wreak such havoc on their own life? Fear.
The pressure. The intimidation. The whirlwind of “what if I fail” swirling around your head. It’s overwhelming and exhausting to say the least. The stress of it all can cause a person to lose motivation all together. This is when you start avoiding whatever it is that’s scaring you. You’re afraid of trying and failing, so you find that you don’t even want to try at all.
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Purposely making mistakes is a unique way to learn when you really think about it, because you have to face the fact that you made the wrong choice when you knew the right choice, due to a deep, underlying reason that should probably be investigated.
In a way, self-sabotage is our way of controlling the mayhem in our lives. We can use self-sabotage as an internal clue to our subconscious self. Maybe you needed to have one last rendezvous with your ex to get him out of your system once and for all. Maybe you knew deep down that it wasn’t going to be the right job for you. To understand self-sabotage, is to trust it, because who knows you better than you? Sometimes you need to make a mistake just to experience it and that’s okay. Self-sabotage is a way of controlling the chaos of our lives.