From a young age, we’re told that college will be the best years of our lives. Family, friends, and every teen movie crafted the universal expectation that we’ll instantly meet our lifelong best friends and have it all figured out by midterms of our first quarter. But for many of us, that picture-perfect friend group doesn’t appear overnight.
College is the one place where you’re constantly surrounded by people—yet it can feel unbelievably isolating. However, even when it seems like everyone else has their group, their plans, their people, you’re not alone in feeling a little lost.
Here’s how to navigate the stark adjustment of moving away from home and the seemingly impossible process of finding your place, and your people, in college.
Expectations vs. Reality: Finding Your People
Before college, the majority of us are surrounded by the same people for years. Whether you met your friends in elementary, middle, or high school, you essentially grew up together. Friendships formed easily; not necessarily because you deeply connected, but because you were always around each other.
College changes that completely. For the first time, making friends isn’t something that just happens, it’s something you have to do intentionally, and often, on your own.
Beginning my freshman year, I had the expectation that everything would just instantly click. Under the impression that everyone would also be looking for friends, I had no apprehensions about finding my people.
But the reality is, it’s not that simple. Finding the people who make a place feel like home takes time, and that’s something no one really prepares you for. It’s okay to be in a season of transition; you’re figuring it out one day at a time, just like everyone else.
Don’t Let the Dumps Fool You
With Instagram playing such a huge role in college life, especially among girls, it’s almost impossible not to compare. You scroll through everyone’s “fall quarter dumps,” noticing whose pictures look the most aesthetic, whose outfits are trendiest, and, most importantly, who seems to have the most friends.
It’s a completely human reaction. It’s so easy to dwell on what you don’t have instead of appreciating what you do. But it’s worth remembering: social media is a highlight reel, not real life. Just because something looks perfect online doesn’t mean it feels that way offline. Everyone’s figuring it out—even the ones who look like they have it all together.
Learning to Be Okay on Your Own
While community and friendship are essential parts of life, learning to feel comfortable on your own is just as important. College is your first real taste of independence, and one of the most valuable skills you can develop is knowing how to genuinely enjoy your own company.
Finding your place, and your people, is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s okay to take a step back, breathe, and recharge. The right connections will come in time, and in the meantime, you’re building something even more important: a solid relationship with yourself. Take a walk, go for a drive, listen to music; the little things you do alone will make the harder parts easier.
Quality > Quantity
Just like relationships, strong friendships begin with that initial connection. The people that you immediately feel drawn to are the ones that will last. Although it may take more time than anticipated, it will happen.
Honestly, there should be a word for someone who’s more than an acquaintance but not quite a friend, because that’s what most of freshman year feels like. Because, I swear, you meet so many people who fall somewhere on that spectrum. The ones you wave to on your walk to class or say “we should hang out soon” to, but never actually do. And that’s okay. Not every connection is meant to turn into something deeper. The right ones will stick naturally.
Putting Yourself Out There (Even When It’s Awkward)
While, yes, learning to be okay with being alone is important, being able to put yourself in positions to meet people is even better. College is full of chances to connect, and sometimes it can start with merely a smile. Say hi in line for coffee, chat with the person next to you in class, or get to know new people on a night out on DP. Even though these interactions may seem insignificant in the moment, you never know where they might lead you.
Here’s the thing: the energy you put out comes back to you. If you’re friendly, genuine, and open, people are going to reciprocate. A smile, a simple question, or showing interest in someone can go a long way; not just in meeting new people, but in building friendships that actually stick.
And honestly? Get involved. Join a club, rush a sorority if that’s your vibe, sign up for something random that sounds fun. You’ll meet people who actually like the same stuff you do, and that makes all the difference. The more you show up, the more your circle grows, and the more opportunities you will have.
It’s Okay Not To Be Okay
The truth is, college is a place where the highs are high and the lows are low. It is completely normal to feel lonely, and that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re human.
Friendships take time. It might not look like the college experience you pictured—at least, not yet. But give it time. Keep showing up, keep trying, and keep being yourself. At the end of the day, it’s not about how fast you find your people; it’s about finding the ones who make college feel like home.