Both online and off, I have heard horror stories of the “Girl Best Friend.” She is exactly what the name suggests: the close female friend to the man you are dating. She may be classified as too flirty, too meddlesome, or too clingy. A man with a girl best friend, or a female friend at all, is often seen as a red flag. The concern, I suppose, is that she is a threat to the relationship.
While I am sure there is some truth to the idea of the evil “Girl Best Friend” trying to undermine your relationship, this is just one possibility. Context and circumstance are important. Oftentimes, it can be a normal friendship, just like any they would have with their male friends. Personally, I think dating a man with a Girl Best Friend can be a really good thing.
Debunking the Negatives
To start, I am tired of the narrative that men and women cannot be friends. I know from experience none of my male friends would be interested in dating me, nor would I them, even if we were both single at the same time. I have seen many of my friends form close mixed-gender friendships that are just that — friendships. Just because you have the potential to be attracted to someone does not mean you inevitably will.
The exaggerated idea that the “Girl Best Friend” is dangerous can come back to bite you as a woman as well. I have seen my female friends lose amazing friendships with men because their new girlfriend does not want them around. A general rule of thumb I follow is to judge your partner’s friends based on their qualities, rather than their gender. It may be their male friends you find fault with, rather than their female ones. Who someone surrounds themselves with is a good way to judge their character; surrounding themselves with good women should improve your assessment of them, rather than tank it.
Often, the concern over a close female friendship can stem from fear of the man cheating on you with her. However, if someone is going to cheat, they will regardless. Dictating who they can or cannot spend time with will not change that; it may only delay the inevitable. If you have doubts about the “Girl Best Friend,” those doubts are probably really about the man you are dating. I would examine that feeling, rather than blaming the friend. If I cannot trust my man to be around women of the opposite sex without straying, then I cannot trust him in general.
Sharing the Positives
Now, moving away from the reasons it is not a negative into why it is actually a positive. I have always steered clear of men with male-dominated lives; those who only read male authors, listen to male artists, and watch male sporting teams, where it seems their only interest in women is romantic. A man with a female friend shows an interest in women in general. They value a woman’s company, perspectives, and opinions. You want to be with someone who actually likes women, not just dating them. A man with female friends can have platonic relationships with women, which is a great thing.
If a man has friends who are women, that could be some cool new people for you to meet as well. My ex-boyfriend had some really amazing and interesting female friends I had fun getting to know. I enjoyed my time better going to coffee or drinks with them far more than my previous experience watching the Super Bowl with a group of ten dudes. Sometimes it’s just nice to have another girl around.
I feel like a good parallel is a man having a sister, which is generally seen as a positive. Many benefits reaped from having a sister could also be reaped from having a female friend. You do not have to do all the labor of explaining what it is like to be a woman. Plus, I tend to trust the opinions of women. When you start dating someone new, it’s not like you can ask their ex-girlfriend “Hey, how were they as a partner?” I think knowing they have a female friend who likes them, enjoys their company, and can vouch for them is a good sign. I assume women are going to be less tolerant of nonsense (although this is a generalization).
Ultimately, it is each person’s decision what boundaries they want to set in their relationship. I would just encourage everyone to think twice about whether a “Girl Best Friend” is really the red flag people make it out to be. To me, a man having women in his life (outside of his family) that he values, respects, and is able to have a platonic relationship with is a great sign. I have found more success dating men with female friends than those without.