When I made the decision of transferring, I asked myself two questions: Who am I? What are the reasons that made the decision a must-do for me?
Since I came to UCSB, I sincerely appreciated everything: every person who has held an umbrella for me, every building that has once be my shelter, every corner of the campus which has witnessed my vulnerability.
Question #1: Who am I?
I listed myself an equation : a person = love + vulnerability + truth.
The first thing is love. I always believe that love is the most wonderful thing in the world: it is not limited to romance; rather, it’s something that makes us determined, gives us a sense of belonging, and reminds us to be grateful. It allows us to boost the energy and potential that we couldn’t imagine without which. It’s the root of everything: it makes us vulnerable while teaches us bravery.
Therefore, we approach to the second component in the equation, vulnerability. For me, being vulnerable is not a bad thing. I used to think if I’m too sensitive to the changes around me, which indeed increases the volume of pressure on me. But this is also my gift: vulnerability empowers me to catch the emotional changes in others, the unobservable changes in myself. I know how these changes influence my physical and psychological health, which allows me to make the best adaptation to improve my well-being. Vulnerability may mean fragmentized, but more importantly, it is the process of picking these fragments and combine them back into integrity. This is also the process of analyzing myself. When every part me is tiled in front of me, I can examine myself more comprehensively; When I make the same old pieces into a new individual, I know now I have the greater potential to love firmly and bravely.
Truth can be considered as the premises of love and vulnerability, the reason why I never stop chasing for new things. I can feel the abnormal in my life, and I have to report to myself truthfully instead of lying to myself to make me “feel better” at that moment. Thus I can find the real causation and optimal solutions about my abnormality. The description with strong personal emotions should exist after critically judging the facts. Otherwise the fantasy would confuse my heart; otherwise you will not be able to pick up the fragments. It’s just like repairing a broken vase. If you are afraid of being cut edges and you choose to polish the fragments, you could never bring it back to a complete vase again, as you were now missing the truth. And this cost is much higher than the bleeding caused by the sharp edges.
Question #2: Why should a person like me go to a new place?
Firstly, my original plan was not applying to a US college. Back in high school, I did not have a full understanding of the education system in different countries and did not pay any attention to it. I have always confessed my moral misconduct as a high school student… I chose UCSB by chance. I know the admission office chose me because I match their expected student image.
I would never say UCSB is not a good school. It is. But is the most suitable place for me? Born and raised in a mega city makes it difficult for me to adapt to the slow pace in this coastal town. I have always looking forward to life that has more humanity, with more activities and foods. Talking about food, here’s a very minor reason: I am allergic to seafood, which makes me hard to find a best place to dine in here.
The existence of transfer application in US is definitely a second chance for me. Compared to the little girl back in high school, now I have a clearer understanding of who I am and what I chase for in the future. I am more determined to reach my goal without being restrained by the old surrounding. These are all taught by UCSB. This to some extent shows that I’m suitable for the education system in the States; luckily, I had made a good choice for me.
I hope my exploration of myself would inspire you to make the decision for your next step. Most importantly, you have to know who you are and firmly believe in yourself, this is the base of making any kind of decisions. So, what’s your personal equation?