To Anyone Dreading Their 20th Birthday

Your 20th birthday is a huge milestone. It marks the beginning of a new decade filled with important decisions, personal growth, and memorable experiences that can stay with you for years to come. Whether that means becoming more serious about your education and career goals or navigating new friendships and relationships, your twenties are a time of constant change and discovery. 

But despite this excitement, there is so much discourse and stigma surrounding turning 20. People seem to think that entering their 20s and putting an end to their teenage years means that they are getting “old” and have already experienced the best of what life has to offer. 

And I have to admit, I have fallen into this mentality too.

As some of my friends begin celebrating their 20th birthdays, we have all been feeling a sense of impending doom, a worry about what the future holds, and a sad nostalgia for the teenage years that we are moving on from. It hurts to think that we will never get to live the carefree and innocent lives that we experienced as teens, and it is scary to imagine that all of the decisions that we make from here on out will have a lasting impact on our futures.

I, for one, have dreaded the thought of getting older ever since I was a kid. And when my next birthday means that my age will start with the next number up, that dread only grows stronger.

Changing My view

However, I saw a video a little while ago that completely changed my perspective on growing up and entering a new stage of life. 

The video featured a girl ranting about how she felt so behind in life leading up to her 20th birthday. She talked about how she had yet to be in a serious relationship, had no idea what career she wanted to pursue, and felt like everyone around her was so much ahead of her in their lives and experiences. Then, she shifted her view and explained how her life was only negative 4 seasons into the show Friends. 

This might not make sense at first, but the more I thought about it, the more it clicked.

WHy friends?

Friends follows the lives of 6 friends (ironic, I know) living in New York City and experiencing the trials and tribulations of everyday life in the 90’s. Throughout the show, the group goes through so much together, and they are completely different people from the pilot to the finale. 

So what does this have to do with turning 20? Well, the characters in Friends were all around 25 years old at the start of the show. Beginning already halfway through their 20s, the series follows each character experiencing so many milestones, figuring out their career, forming meaningful relationships, and building families of their own.

Monica and Rachel revisited their childhood friendship after years apart, and they grew closer than ever as they navigated young adulthood alongside one another. 

Joey and Chandler haphazardly became roommates, despite their reservations, and ended up becoming one of television’s most iconic examples of unconditional love and friendship. 

Ross got married 3 times, went through numerous career paths, and had 2 unexpected, but incredibly loved children.

At the start of the show, none of these characters had anything in their lives figured out. Most of them were single, unemployed, and dealing with some really unfortunate circumstances which might have felt like the end of the world at the time. But within 10 years, they became 6 successful, confident, and fulfilled people who were surrounded by the support, love, and encouragement of the community they had created around them throughout the last decade.

overcoming the dread

Applying this perspective to my own life, I feel an overwhelming sense of relief in knowing that it is okay to not have everything figured out at 20. There is still so much time to meet new people, gain new experiences, and find direction in what I want to do. 

As the shows self-proclaimed #1 fan, I find comfort in knowing that my favorite characters were still learning how to live and navigate their lives well into their 20s. They are a true embodiment of life working itself out, and there is no rush to have everything decided and figured out so early. 

So to anyone who is dreadfully coming up on their 20th birthday—don’t worry.

There is no need to stress about things that you still have years (or even decades) to work out. Life is not a race, and turning 20 should not scare you from what the future holds. If I have taken anything away from Friends, it’s that most of life’s most meaningful moments are still waiting to happen.

• 20s
• birthday
• friends