I think everyone can admit, whether they show it or not, that it feels good to be remembered. Not in an attention-seeking or egocentric way — but in a human one. To know that you left a lasting impression. That someone thought of you even after the interaction ended. That maybe you even impacted someone in some way, shape, or form. Whatever it may be, it’s the quiet reminder that something about you stood out, without you trying.
You don’t need to be the loudest or most outgoing person in the room to command it. What draws people in is energy — the kind that feels grounded, effortless, and real.
However, this presence isn’t necessarily something you’re born with. It’s built. It comes from being sure of yourself, having opinions, letting go of embarrassment, and moving through life without constantly editing who you are for approval.
None of that requires changing who you are; it just requires trusting yourself enough to take up space.
Depth Over Small Talk
When you’re in a new environment — a party, event, or anywhere you are unfamiliar with the crowd — it’s tempting to fall back on default questions. Where are you from? Where do you go to school? They’re safe, but, more often than not, result in a dead end.
If you want conversations to continue and head down a more interesting, memorable route, you have to dig beneath the surface.
Listen to understand, not just to respond. Everyone has something they care deeply about, and once you hear it, follow it. As we all probably know and can relate to, people like to talk about themselves. In turn, when you meet someone’s enthusiasm with genuine interest, the conversation sticks. And so do you.
Even introductions are an opportunity. After learning someone’s name, asking something as simple as, “Why did your parents name you that?” can turn a stiff exchange into a story. Small curiosity makes a big difference.
However, the conversation is also in your hands. You can ask a million questions, but don’t hold back on sharing parts of your own life, too. Let yourself be a real person, because, at the end of the day, that’s all anyone is really looking for.
Be the Feeling They Remember
After a night full of conversations, details become more and more difficult to recall. The small talk blurs together, names get forgotten, and individual moments fade quickly. But if you make someone feel seen, entertained, comfortable, etc., that lasts. People may forget what you said, but they rarely forget how you made them feel.
Genuine enthusiasm, warmth, and ease draw people in naturally. There’s something disarming about someone who’s fully present. The people who laugh freely, show interest, and aren’t afraid to be expressive. Somewhere along the way, we decided that being distant, nonchalant, or “mysterious” was more appealing. In reality, emotional availability is far more magnetic.
The most memorable people aren’t guarded. They’re engaged. They’re curious. They allow themselves to be excited without downplaying it and to care without pretending they don’t. That openness creates connection, and connection is what creates a feeling long after the interaction ends.
Authenticity isn’t about oversharing or having no boundaries. And it definitely isn’t about being liked by everyone. It’s about being confident enough in who you are that you don’t feel the need to conform to appease people or match the vibe of the room.
Stop Overthinking It
It’s so easy to move through life constantly wondering how you’re coming across. Did that sound weird? Was that embarrassing? Do they think I’m annoying? But the truth is, most people aren’t paying nearly as much attention to you as you think.
Psychologically, everyone is way too busy thinking about themselves. We’re all overanalyzing our own words, our own actions, and our own perceived flaws. Other people’s behavior barely registers in our brain. With little to no impact, it comes and goes. People simply don’t have the mental capacity to store and replay every minuscule thing someone else does.
So if you do something you think is embarrassing, take a breath and remember this: chances are, no one noticed. And even if they did, they forgot about it almost immediately. What feels huge and absolutely catastrophic in your head usually isn’t causing the same type of havoc in anyone else.
This is where letting go of embarrassment becomes powerful. When you stop policing yourself, you’re able to be more relaxed, present, and authentic. You say what you actually mean. You laugh louder. You take risks. Not only does that lack of self-consciousness save you the headache, it also is really attractive.
Not being embarrassed doesn’t mean being reckless or inconsiderate (you still understand social cues — I hope). It means trusting yourself enough to live without endlessly altering yourself. When you do what you want, go outside the box, and stop shrinking to avoid judgment, life gets more fun. More exciting. More yours.
And ironically, usually the less you care about how you’re perceived, the better you’re perceived.
The Difference Between Chill and Unsure
Being easygoing and chill are basically a must when you live in a sunny beach town like Isla Vista. They’re great traits to have. But constantly deferring, people-pleasing, or avoiding having an opinion is not what should be resulting from that “chill vibe”. When you’re always letting other people decide, it doesn’t read as relaxed — it honestly reads as unsure.
Decisiveness isn’t about being intense or controlling. It’s about being comfortable with your own preferences and trusting yourself enough to stand by them. Having opinions. Making choices. Saying what you actually think instead of defaulting to whatever feels safest in the moment.
There’s something really alluring about someone who knows what they want. Someone who can say, “this is what I believe,” or “this is what I’d choose,” without needing to overexplain or apologize.
When you’re sure of yourself, people feel it. You move differently. You speak more clearly. You stop second-guessing every interaction. That kind of confidence makes others feel at ease too because it signals stability, not insecurity.
Decisiveness isn’t about always having the right answer — it’s about living without hesitation or apology.
Fake it (Until It’s Real)
“Fake it till you make it” sounds cliché, but when it comes to confidence, it actually works.
Most people aren’t born confident — they practice it. Think of confidence as a skill, not a personality trait.
When someone truly commands a room, it’s rarely about what they’re saying. It’s how they move, how they hold eye contact, and how comfortable they seem taking up space. Confidence shows up in posture, expression, and ease — all things that definitely can be learned.
A lot of confidence lies in how you carry yourself. Think about eye contact, body language, and taking time to make a thoughtful response instead of using unnecessary filler words in attempts to fill the awkward silence. People can sense when you’re present, just as easily as they can sense when you’re disengaged.
That said, practicing confidence doesn’t mean losing what makes you you. With the rise of influencer culture, it’s easy to see how personalities start to blur together — the same mannerisms, the same phrases, the same energy. Confidence shouldn’t sacrifice your individuality.
Let yourself be original. Say what you actually think. The goal isn’t to perform confidence, but to inhabit it. Because when everything else fades — the words, the details, the first impressions — what people remember most is who you are as a person and how they felt around you.