After watching a singular episode of the 2000s comedy-drama Gilmore Girls, one might find themselves subconsciously channeling the mother-daughter duo’s iconic, rapid-fire, quick-witted banter while talking with people in their lives, as if they, too, are complaining about trivial matters at Luke’s diner. Although it isn’t only unique to this series, Gilmore Girls is memorable to its viewers by its humorous, fast-paced dialogue filled with niche pop culture references, leaving little time for filler words or harping on specifics.
Sure, it is likely impossible for people in real life to replicate the Gilmores’ sharp level of wit and pace, considering the cast followed a script and used a dialogue coach. Nevertheless, this kind of communication style was likely more accurately modeled on real-life conversations around the time of the series’ release, and is sadly a scarce find in 2026.
Following the COVID-19 pandemic and its detrimental effects on our generation’s social skills, we are living in a timeline in which we have witnessed the death of the communication we once knew, which entailed the ability to express one’s sense of identity in conversation. According to a review by the National Library of Medicine, the pandemic has had negative impacts on social interactions and relationships throughout the world, which have manifested in problematic social anxiety that is prevalent among young adults today.
Today, especially among younger generations like Gen Z, it is an undeniable fact that we have collectively become more socially awkward as individuals, at least to some degree. In this hyperdigital age, nearly all young adults have developed the same chronically online sense of humor, which affects our social skills in everyday communication. This contributes to an identical way of speaking, vocabulary, and references — making us all become variants of the same person.
This homogeneity not only eliminates individuals’ sense of identity but also actively contributes to our inability to navigate a conversation adequately. Ironically, I came across a TikTok video by creator Bella Dane delineating this very issue. In her commentary, Dane argues that as a society, we have lost touch with how humans were intended to communicate with each other. Humans are fundamentally social beings; we are biologically wired to interact with others on a regular basis for our survival and well-being.
Modern socialization has constructed this sort of unspoken yet prevalent notion that it is “weird” or “cringy” to perform normal social activities, like striking up a conversation with the person next to you in class or making small talk with strangers in the elevator. From my personal observations of my peers and the media we consume, a possible reason for this could be our generations’ reluctance to try hard — on virtually anything, but in this case in communication — in order to preserve an image of being “nonchalant.” This is far from a normal perspective in which we should be viewing interpersonal communication, and is only perpetuating our already flawed social skills.
The use of artificial intelligence (AI) platforms, such as chatbots that emulate human conversation, is only exacerbating this epidemic. Beyond dependencies on these tools for schoolwork, young adults are turning to generative chatbots to mimic the social and emotional functions that have previously only been fulfilled through close relationships. However much reassurance and support these connections provide users, they are merely one-sided attachments that fail to match the experience of human interdependence in an interpersonal relationship.
For most, a typical college experience inevitably requires an abundant amount of socializing, especially in a larger public school like UCSB. With each of these new connections comes an opportunity for a strong friendship to blossom, given that you meet someone who you feel is compatible with your personality and values. But for these friendships to progress beyond occasional small talk or half-smiles across the room after a first meeting, both parties need to come out of their shells and be vulnerable when showing their true personalities.
In situations like these, a single conversation has the potential to transform a casual acquaintance into a lasting bond. This is where the power of quick, Gilmore Girls-style banter comes into play, as a chance to build intimacy by sharing what constitutes your sense of humor and creativity. Approaching a conversation with the confidence and intellect level to feel comfortable lightly teasing another, or making a clever reference about something, is a lost form of communication that is deeply undervalued when it comes to human connection.
Conversing with humor is important as it can strengthen existing relationships and form new ones. Humor is an essential part of one’s identity, and it is a reflection of our social intelligence and confidence that is evident in conversation. In her video, Dane makes the powerful assertion that “humor is intelligence having fun,” suggesting that the importance of humor lies in its role as a muscle that exercises our critical thinking and creativity.
It is common for people to be reluctant to be funny out of fear of being misunderstood or judged, because they do not fit the socially accepted norms for how to act around unfamiliar people. Because of this, Dane’s statement corroborates the argument that we need to start engaging with others in a sort of unfiltered way, which is especially needed in this overly performative way of communication that we are accustomed to.
In an age where people are passively engaging in bleak conversation on the same topics with the same approaches, humor helps to develop the critical thinking skills that contemporary socializing patterns often lack. Using quick wit and banter forces people’s brains to truly work through quick improvisation as thoughts become words, acting as a bridge to connect people in a more intimate way through shared humorous moments. This doesn’t necessarily mean eliminating small talk — in fact, small talk is essential to getting rid of the barrier that creates the awkwardness that so many people feel nowadays when they don’t know each other very well.
As members of the generation that seems to be most affected by this, it is up to us to address this crisis. Luckily, there are opportunities everywhere and every day to change how we interact with people, where we can use our free will to incorporate our unique character through witty, spontaneous comments. The next time you find yourself in a humorous situation in public, don’t be afraid to channel your inner Lorelai and crack a joke! It’s a cliché, but it’s true: you will attract the right people when you are unapologetically yourself and communicate with that confidence.