Grace and poise are two innate qualities that young ladies are expected to possess. Years of National Charity League tea parties and countless, painful Cotillions have taught us this. However, as we matured, these qualities did not seem to grow with us. Nevertheless, we are very optimistic people. As Chumba Wumba so eloquently chants, “I get knocked down, but I get up again.” We like to think that all of the pathetic, everyday occurrences we experience could serve as entertainment to outside observers. As we shamelessly live our lives, toilet paper trailing off of our shoes and bird poop always seeming to find the tops of our heads, we can rest easy knowing that we are boosting the self-esteem of someone else out there. Welcome to the start of a weekly update on the uncomfy interactions of some of your beloved HerCampus bloggers. By the end of this list, you will feel as sophisticated as Queen Elizabeth at a royal brunch (classy people love their brunch).
- While wearing black jeans, I sat down on white gum in my first class. Unfortunately, attempts to remove it only increased its surface area. There was no option of returning home and changing in between classes, so I colored over the white mark in black Sharpie. Genius, I know. However, by the end of the day, all sorts of weird fuzz had attached to my pants. Picture a bunny tail–only not adorable.
- I fell asleep on my friend’s shoulder and drooled down his arm…he was wearing a tank top.
- I was facepainting at a festival with very limited colors, so I had to watch a boy cry as he saw the pink Spiderman I’d painted on his cheek.
- At a Santa Barbara festival this weekend, I snuck into the VIP section in an attempt to capture a moment on camera with Bill Nye the Science Guy. I was sadly discovered and promptly kicked out.
- I accidentally set my status as the name of someone I was trying to stalk on Facebook. Facebook caught me–he really was on my mind.
- My Indiana Jones alarm clock was apparently set to 8:30 am instead of 7:30 a.m., and I have an 8:00 a.m. lecture. Luckily, I woke up in time without my alarm. However, unluckily, well, you know the rest of the story…
- For the past three weeks, I keep passing by the same guy while I am walking to and from all of my classes. I decided that after three weeks we had reached an intimacy level worthy of a wave. I was wrong. He looked at me like I was some sort of half goat/half bird hybrid and said, “Who are you? We don’t know each other.” Glad I didn’t go for the European kiss on the cheek.
- For the past couple of days, this girl that I am semi-friends with (probably top 127 Facebook friends with…if that helps your understanding of the relationship) has been texting and calling me trying to meet up for lunch. I always get nervous about these types of things–I don’t know why. I just feel like I’m going on some sort of internet-set up, blind date. Sooo, I’ve been dodging her calls. Unfortunately, I ran into her yesterday and she asked me why I hadn’t been responding. I quickly explained that I had lost my phone, not realizing that my headphones were still in my ears…which were connected to my iPhone. Dammit.
- I was trying to lurk my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend on Facebook–you know, to convince myself that she’s not pretty, wears too much makeup, and has an ugly dog (none of which are true–she’s naturally gorgeous and has a freaking labradoodle). Anyways, I accidentally added her as a friend, and before I could cancel it she texted my boyfriend asking why his creepy new girlfriend was trying to friend her on Facebook. Oops.
- I was brazenly jamming out to Shania Twain’s old hits when I realized I was about to run a red light. I slammed on my brakes and ended up halfway in the crosswalk. A bunch of kids had just gotten out from school and were walking across the street with their parents. Following the young children and their parents was a group of elderly people who were enjoying a midday walk in the sunshine. THEN, a group of nuns crossed the street headed towards their church! Okay, maybe there were no nuns–but the children, parents, and elderly folks were there, and their judgmental eyes stared into my soul for what had to have been the longest red light in the history of red lights. I felt like such an a**.
Until next week….
Stay classy, UCSB.