Another week, another series of indubitably uncomfortable encounters. Every day our dignity trips over our second left foot, steps in gum, and runs into screen doors, allowing embarrassment to yet again prevail. Welcome to another week of our unfortunately awkward lives:
- The guy sitting next to me in lecture put his foot on top of mine, (hopefully) thinking that my foot was his backpack or something. I didn’t want him to realize he’d done this, so I just stayed very still for the rest of class and let him leave first.
- I line-danced down Pardall at around 9:00 p.m.—too early for anyone to acceptably do something like that.
- Halfway through my day on campus, I realized I’d forgotten to wear a bra.
- I got asked to lunch by a 35 year-old Mechanical Engineering graduate student and instead told him maybe we’d see each other around the library sometime.
- I wanted to try the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup sauce at Sweet Alley, so I pumped the bottle out into my hand and it got everywhere. As I tried to lick my hand clean, the worker was like, “You know we have sample cups…”
- I was trying to keep my long-distance relationship spicy by sending a sexy text message to my boyfriend and instead accidentally sent it to his mom…luckily, she believed me when I said that my iPhone autocorrected “hug” to “f***”.
- I was telling my dad about my science class and how we were learning about this new organism that was discovered in the deep-sea region of the Atlantic, when I accidentally switched “orgasm” for “organism”—”it’s such a huge orgasm; I just want to feel it!”…yikes.
- I went home last weekend to see my boyfriend, and he ended up crashing at my house for a couple of nights. When I got back to school on Monday, I woke up to a text from my mom saying, “Hey, you! Do you know where the bolts and screws to your bed went? Your bed must’ve broken because of the extra weight this weekend”…yeah that must have been it, Mom…
Stay tuned next week for more tales from our awkward lives!