Gone are the days of lipstick lingering on the cheek of a handsome royal, and homemade flower crowns gifted in the rain to your lover. Now, a love affair seems to mean getting consistent “wyd” texts from the same person. I have made the executive decision that I will no longer be a witness to the agony these “casual” encounters bring my beautiful peers. The “situation” in your situationship is that they don’t want you. Let that sink in. This may be a harsh reality check, but from the pain on many college students’ faces, it is much needed.
As an older sister and self-proclaimed “dump them!” friend, I have been an avid and attentive listener to the moans and groans of my peers about their “situationships.” Whether they’re getting left on delivered, aren’t invited to a date party, or ran into them again at the lib, I have heard it all, and thus feel obligated to share my opinion with Her Campers on what this term really means about their feelings towards you.
A “situationship” is poetically defined by Urban Dictionary as, “When one or two m*therf*ckers take part in a relationship, but out of fear of making things serious or messy, do not label it, leading to said relationship ironically becoming more serious and messier.”
In my opinion, the term in itself is degrading and gives a pass for poor behavior from your “partner,” because it doesn’t really give you the benefits of being in a real relationship, where you’re able to call them out on their actions. You’re left in this weird limbo, deemed “casual,” and left to believe it’s normal, because it has a label (but of course, not a real one).
I am all for embracing sexuality and casual situations, if it’s bringing you joy. However, to me this emerging culture of being chill about your feelings seems to contribute to the degradation of romantic relationships. If someone finds all their physical needs met, they may not feel the need to dive into the “complications” that come with emotional intimacy — and thus the “situationship” is born.
If you find yourself in one of these convoluted, head-spinning circumstances, you may want to ask yourself why there is no label placed on this. Does your partner want to keep themselves open to see other people, but with the benefits of a relationship with you? Are they keeping themselves at arms length so that they don’t have to change their bad behavior?
In any case, their inability to commit to you is no indication that there’s something wrong with you, or that you’re the reason they can’t commit. The real answer is this: they simply fail to care enough to want to be serious with you. Whether they’re immature, or haven’t faced a deep-rooted attachment style, they are making the active decision to not be with you, and keep their (and your own) options open to other loves.
If you’re willing to put yourself in that situation, go ahead. But if your casual fling is causing you more anxiety than the upcoming test you haven’t prepared for, you may want to consider that the right person would want you, with no complications. Think about Noah from The Notebook, who yearned so hard for Ally he built her dream home, in any hopes that she would return to love him. Don’t you think you deserve this kind of love?
If you mean enough to them, your partner will fight tooth and nail to have you for themselves, because at the end of the day, a label is just that — a label. A set of words slapped on to categorize whatever feelings you have for each other. It’s not that deep, and yet it seems to be considered the end of the world for some people to place this on their situationship.
Having been both the one to say the phrase, “let’s keep it casual,” and also the person who yearns for a dumb label, I think it’s really important to be up front with your intentions. However, I do understand that being intimate with someone can bring forth a whole new set of emotions, and throw everything previously said out the window. After all, human beings aren’t robots, and don’t have the ability to just “not feel” for one another.
When I have found myself in the position where that casual relationship starts to bring anything other than fun to my life, I protect my peace, and cut that part of my life short. After all, if your “situationship” really wanted to be with you, you wouldn’t be in the position to call yourself a “situationship” in the first place.
It may be a cliche, but the right person will never make your heart feel so confused about where you stand with them. And while the fantasy of windswept hair and longing glances across a kingdom courtroom may not be the reality of “true love” in the modern day, neither is this pseudo-idea of a situationship. You deserve someone who makes you feel that magic of reciprocated feelings, and belonging to one another. Don’t settle for that mediocre college student who probably doesn’t know how to properly wash their clothes, or commit.