Do men still approach women in public? And if so, how often is it without a pair of Meta glasses? I’m just as addicted to social media as the next girl, but I feel very strongly about the effects that these apps have had on the dating scene for women in their 20’s. Social media dependency combined with the recent fear of rejection that men have acquired, has led to a serious crisis in casual, in-person, flirty interactions.
The Social Media Shortcut
An epidemic has begun of men not wanting to make the first move. I blame the whole “looksmaxxing” world for making men fear any form of rejection or embarrassment, risking dampening of their precious appeal. So, they’ve found a low-effort work-around: social media.
A man can shoot his shot with one singular like of a girl’s story, or if he’s feeling extra courageous and manly that day, a DM! Worst case, he gets left on read, basically avoiding the possibility of facing rejection altogether.
I was actually inspired to write this article by a recent experience that was a complete counter to everything I’m about to complain about. A guy in my lecture introduced himself to me after class ended, and he was so normal and polite (and cute) that it kind of caught me off guard. I later realized that our interaction was so refreshing to me because there wasn’t a single mention of social media.
On the contrary, I once had a guy follow me on Instagram and DM me, informing me that he sat near me in one of my sections. He proceeded to tell me, with no shame, that he found my name on the “People” tab on Canvas to find my social media. I am literally sitting a couple chairs away from you, why would you not just come up to me and ask for my name?
Social media isn’t real in my mind; I turn my phone off and everything on is it gone. There’s no substantial, lasting impression or romantic effect that an IG follow or a Snapchat add could ever have on me.
Speaking of Snapchat, let’s say a guy actually does approach you and introduce himself. He’s nice, he’s cute… then he asks for your Snapchat. A 22-year-old man asking for your “Snap.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but if the final goal is to hang out with the girl, why does a grown man feel the need to prolong the process by Snapchatting back and forth?
This is especially relevant at a college campus notorious for its hookup culture. From the second I started at UCSB, all I heard was “you’re not going to find your husband on DP on a Friday night.” Three years later, I hate to report that it can happen, but it’s pretty rare. I know one UCSB-originated couple that will absolutely be getting married, but to no one’s surprise, their relationship did not begin with an Instagram follow.
Recently, at frat parties, I’ve observed that men are more focused on dancing on elevated surfaces and getting behind the DJ booth than approaching women. This part, I won’t complain about, because getting approached at a frat is the equivalent of a low effort DM in my mind.
Dating Buzzwords
Social media has not only facilitated the laziness of modern dating, but has also complicated it with completely unnecessary buzzwords and terms. It’s taken me a good amount of time and a good amount of boyfriends, but I’ve come to the rough conclusion that we’re either dating or we’re not.
Terms like “situationship” and “exclusively talking” are either just new-gen replacements for “dating” or an excuse to not go on real, planned dates.
I always think back to the Barbie movie, when Ken wants Barbie to be his “long term, long distance, low commitment, casual girlfriend.” If we keep heading in the direction we’re in, Ken’s line won’t even be satire soon.
None of these phrases, or any adjacent phrases, existed until social media gave them the opportunity to. Try explaining the meaning of a situationship to your grandmother.
I think it all circles back to the fact that social media is our generation’s primary third space. It allows for the most convenient networking, easy to find mutuals, and less socially intimidating than a physical third space.
Instagram and LinkedIn can be perfect for finding new friends or keeping up with old friends, but I can’t name a single girl in my life that would prefer getting asked out on Snapchat over a real-life, face-to-face conversation.
Turning Convos Into ENgagement
To make things even harder for us, the release of Ray-Ban’s Meta AI glasses has generated an entirely new digital problem for women in the dating world. The men on social media who wear the glasses, approach girls to ask for their number, and publicly post the entire interaction without disclosing the camera, are so creepy. Yes, it’s technically legal, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s just weird.
God forbid the girl declines his advances and the comment section is bound to be filled with horrible remarks about her. Or, she says yes, and the comments are just as nasty calling her “easy.”
There’s no winning. So, not only are we experiencing an era of male fragility in early stages of dating, we’re also experiencing the scary effects of that fragility being turned into social media profit.