Once upon a time, an artist by the name, “Passenger,” released a song on July 24th, 2012, titled “Let Her Go.” This song depicts a romantic partner reminiscing on a past relationship realizing the worth of their relationship since he “let her go.” Maybe six-year-old me just heard it on SiriusXm on repeat too many but these lyrics stung to me. I thought: What does it mean to let go? I’d argue it’s actually a lot simpler than it appears.
This process can apply for yourself, for a moment, the past or future, and in many ways: it means to begin living. So much of being a human navigating the world around is letting go. For some that means kicking your feet back on the ottoman after a long day, trying a new nail polish color or sleeping in an extra few hours. For others that may mean taking a deep breath, raising your hand to ask a question or deciding it’s time to heal.
I think looking in the mirror without a brush touching my hair yet, a tube of mascara coating my eyelashes, or a spritz of dry shampoo towards the roots of my head, and thinking wow I look beautiful today has to be one of the best feelings that is worth being uncomfortable for. The other day I woke up hungover and actually felt hot.
How to begin
Learning to let go is an ever-evolving process but from what I’ve gathered in my lifetime of 18 whole years on this earth: it’s worth trying to master. It shows up in your mirror, in your eyes and smile, and the way we dance. It’s also pretty fun. I began by swearing in my room when I was 14 and buying my first push-up bra. Next, I was engaging in my writing classes and publishing for my high school’s student-run magazine. It’s the same trick to get a cute guys number on a night out or raising my hand in class.
The cheesy Pinterest quotes aren’t wrong and neither are your grandmother’s regrets. For a cherry on top, there is also the billion dollar “self care” industry that historically capitalizes women’s insecurities, as described by Forbes Magazine. But beneath all of that is something deeper: accepting the love we think we deserve. Personally, I think that’s a pretty big one.
Another way I have learned to let go is by publishing my writing again. When I first arrived at UCSB, it was intimidating and daunting to write. It came easy in high school. I was insecure of how and why I write since I felt like I spawned in a new realm of like-minded people. Now, I’ve begun to call myself a writer and publish my work again rather than hiding in my google documents tab.
I’ve also made it a point not to wear makeup everyday or straighten my hair the second it begins to dry. Naturally, hair has a wavy texture and throughout high school and the beginning of college, I would blow dry and straighten it every wash. For me, it wasn’t an extension of myself or self expression, it was to categorize and simplify myself which looking back, saddens me. Regardless, it’s been enlightening to embrace the wave and experiment with different products that heal my hair rather than break it.
Moving Forward
Insecurity is something we all grapple with in one way or another, whether admitted or not. I’ll admit it: I have insecurities. I think the idea of confidence that is modeled is: 100% or perfect. But that is simply an unattainable idea and completely counterintuitive.
My father has reiterated to me throughout my life that the truth is: nobody thinks about you as much as you think of yourself. It is so easy to get caught up in our minds we forget we can control them. I like to imagine what the world would feel like if more people genuinely loved themselves.
I find it to be such a freeing idea that we will never appeal to everyone. Don’t get me wrong, it is not easy to let go. By prioritizing authenticity, I have unfortunately (and fortunately) been exposed to being comfortable with failure, rejection, and incompatibility. That includes, in no particular order, academically, romantically, socially, and internally.
The rumors are true, I have embarrassed myself before. And with even more honesty, quite a lot. But one thing I have learned: Quit studying yourself and just be. Being is where you learn and learning is where you live.
All of this leaves me with a question: will any of us ever fully learn to let it all go? I’d argue probably not. But maybe that isn’t the point. It’s not linear or categorical- it’s simply human. Maybe it’s talking about not knowing and the shared commonality we all have of not having it figured out.