The arena was cooler than I had expected, but I couldn’t tell if the chills I felt over my arms were coming from the temperature or the moment itself. The tip-off was about to begin, and while I stood there, I was trying to process how I’d gotten here, standing courtside at the Big West Basketball Tournament in Henderson, Nevada. A year ago, I wouldn’t have imagined myself covering NCAA basketball. Yet, as I watched the game unfold in front of me, I realized this moment started long before I had stepped into the stadium.
Rethinking the plan
As a political science major my Freshman year, I had my mind set on declaring pre-law. It wasn’t until spring quarter, where I sat in the middle of my first communication class and started to question what I actually wanted to do in college. Political science and the whole pre-law route just didn’t feel right anymore, especially when I knew my mind was elsewhere during my international relations section, and my eyes were on a match being played somewhere in Europe.
As someone who loved watching and analyzing soccer, I began to wonder what it would be like to be the one capturing these moments. So, after these thoughts began to crowd my mind, I did some research and decided to dip my toes in the field of journalism.
Pushing past self-doubt
When I first joined KCSB Sports, a student-run sports journalism and reporting club affiliated with UCSB’s radio station, I was more nervous than I was confident. As someone who only followed one sport, soccer, stepping into sports media felt unfamiliar. Even though I knew my soccer facts well, I felt more ignorant about other sports compared to the more experienced members I knew I would meet.
On top of all of this, I had never reported on sports before. I remember doubting myself over the smallest details; What if I accidentally gave the wrong information while presenting? What if I posted the wrong play on an Instagram story? What if this didn’t work out like I was hoping it would?
Despite these questions haunting me, there always remained a hope. I could even call it an intuition feeling that it would all work out. I knew my ambition and drive to explore something new mattered more than my fear of not being good enough.
Learning to find my place
So, week by week I started showing up to every game. I began learning which plays to post, I asked questions on what to report on the onscreen presentations or stand-ups, trying to push myself past my comfort zone. The nerves didn’t go away, but they became my motivation for every stand-up I participated in, broadcasts I commented on or meetings I voiced my ideas in. What started as uncertainty quickly turned into commitment and an intention to get involved as much as I could.
The journey was filled with multiple games shadowing my co-members and many mistakes that when I reflect back on now, have only shaped the reporter I have become. The more I learned, the more I wanted to prove to myself that my fears couldn’t overtake my effort. At times, this pressure felt even heavier in spaces where I was often the only girl at the game. While I was learning to overcome my own insecurities, that sense of needing to prove I belonged never fully went away.
As the only female reporter at that time, there were moments where I felt out of place. I recall times where the guys would be having an intense sports discussion, and when I would try to be a part of it, I never felt confident enough to speak up and share my own opinions.
In moments where others’ contributions were highlighted, I found myself quietly wondering if my own efforts were being seen or going unnoticed. While I knew I was contributing more than enough by making edits, attending optional archives meetings, and showing up to almost every game, I kept wondering if there was anything more I could do.
Stepping into leadership
Soon enough, as the quarter progressed, there was a significant increase in female members joining. Towards the end of the soccer season, I had a dedicated team of fellow female reporters I was able to train. As someone who primarily took part in helping out with socials, having other girls interested in the same task felt motivating and even comforting knowing that I wasn’t as alone as I thought I was anymore. And the more I was given opportunities to lead and guide other members, the more confident I became in how much I was contributing: my own knowledge on the game and my reporting of constant, real time updates.
This confidence pushed me to apply for the role of Assistant Sports Director. While I knew I would have once been intimidated by the idea of being in a room full of men, I found myself more content than afraid during the group interview despite being the only girl applying. When I finally secured the position, my willingness to continuously show up and run point during games helped me gain a new sense of confidence I thought I’d never have.
This consistency eventually led to an opportunity I had dreamed about when I first started at KCSB Sports: covering the Big West Basketball Conference Tournament. Being selected by our Sports Director had felt surreal, but for me it was also the result of months of showing up, commitment, and hard work. In that moment, I knew that everything I had worked toward had come together.
Redefining what it mean to be “Qualified”
What I have learned from this experience goes beyond sports reporting. I learned that you don’t have to feel confident in order to take the first step, you just have to be willing to try. For any student wanting to try something new, but is hesitant, I understand that feeling. Especially in places where you’re not just overcoming your own doubts, but the mindsets of others.
When I look back at this today, learning how to feel adequate in a predominantly male-dominated field like sports media doesn’t just go away. But, there are ways to overcome it without feeling like you have to do more. And sometimes, that means showing up in your own way or setting up goals for yourself.