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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

I’m a Hopeless Romantic…But I Don’t Believe in “The One”

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UCSB chapter.

From the moment many of us are born, we’re raised to believe in soulmates and the idea that “the one” is out there somewhere, waiting to be discovered. My childhood consisted of stories about red roses and lost shoes, dancing in ballrooms in flowing dresses and the lesson that love, and only love, conquers all. And then I grew up. Now, I’ve realized… I don’t think I believe in that.

Okay okay, before you attack me, let’s get one thing straight. I’m not saying this because I’m a bitter and lonely pessimist. While I’m like that sometimes, I’m really an ooey-gooey, love songs and messy poetry, ferris wheel kisses and Heath Ledger singing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” on the school bleachers, kind of hopeless romantic. But, I still don’t believe in “the one.”

Here’s why:

The idea of “the one” creates damaging and unrealistic expectations.

As much as I’m a romantic comedy fan, I recognize that they aren’t always the most… realistic. So, I don’t think that people should wait around for these great romantic gestures and fireworks and all that because… that isn’t really how life is most days. Most of the time, it’s just about being with someone that makes life, which can generally suck, a little bit better. Perhaps your lifetime partner is the person that listens to you complain about work every single night, knows how you take your coffee, and waits for you before watching more episodes of your favorite show and not the person that throws rocks at your window, writes you a letter every day for a year or suddenly professes their love for you. 

 “The one” is an excuse not to try with someone.

I can’t count the amount of times someone’s told me “if it is meant to be, it will be” or “if they’re the one, it’ll work out.” Okay, this is so wrong. Where’s the logic in it? Is there anything in life that exists simply because it’s “meant to be?” I don’t think so. People use these phrases and the idea of “the one” to not put in effort with someone when things get hard.

There’s probably not just one person that can be a lifetime partner for us.

Alright, again, don’t attack me for this one. There are seven billion people in the world, and you’re telling me that there’s one person out there for you? Doesn’t seem right. There are probably dozens of people that would make excellent life partners for each person, it all just depends on the timing of it all.

Here’s what I do believe in:

All images via giphy.com

I believe that there’s someone walking around the earth right now, living their happy little life, that we’ll each end up with someday. I believe that you have to work really hard at relationships sometimes, but I think that the right person is worth all the trouble. I think that our generation is so afraid of feelings that they’re scared to try anything with anyone, since being completely self-reliant is the new expectation.

I think that timing is really the most significant part of all of this; timing can make or break everything. I believe that while Heath Ledger singing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” to me would be absolutely adorable, it isn’t what really matters at the end of the day. It’s all about being with someone that shows up, that comforts you in the bad times at 2 A.M., and looks at you in the summer sun at 2 P.M., grinning at you from the driver’s seat.

So there, that’s why I don’t believe in “the one.” Hopefully, for the hopeless romantic in me, for true love, and for belief that good things exist in our dark and crashing world… someone proves me wrong. 


Maddie is a recently graduated English major and is excited to enter the publishing industry.