Just like any other 2000s kid, I thought my high school experience was going to be just like High School Musical: huge groups of friends, parties every weekend, driving a cool car into the parking lot, singing in the hallways, and a perfect boyfriend by my side through it all. So, when I grew up and actually got to high school, I quickly let go of any and all expectations of cafeteria flash mobs (even though one did happen my junior year), and crazy country club pool parties, but the one expectation that stuck with me until graduation was that I would have an earth-shattering high school romance. I continuously beat myself up that I wasn’t dating my freshman year homecoming date like a lot of girls at my school were, not particularly because I wanted to be in a relationship, but rather on the principle that I was missing out on a huge milestone in my life.
After my graduation this year, the summer of the pandemic gave me a lot of time to ruminate on the things that my high school experience taught me, what I wanted to carry with me from that time in my life to the next, and what I didn’t. I soon realized that I am so glad that I didn’t have a major high school relationship, because I love who I became without it. All love to the ladies who locked their S.O. down in high school, but for all my other single pringles out there feeling down on their luck in love, here are some things to look forward to.
1. You dodge so much drama.
Sure, I missed out on the annual homecoming throwback pics, but I also left behind a lot of extra drama and fallout that comes with having a long term S.O. High school relationships are super messy; even a single person knows that by association! I’ve held friends as they cried about a fight with their S.O the night before a big test, and I’ve been in the middle of arguments about relationships that have destroyed friendships. While I did miss out on some high highs, I also dodged the low lows. Ultimately, I was able to focus on my own goals and not take on too much more emotional stress.
2. You learn how to self-validate.
As freshmen in high school, and even as freshmen in college, all we want is to fit in and to have people like us. Because I didn’t have anyone who was always there to tell me I was smart or pretty or powerful or awesome, I had to learn how to fill that position for myself, to give myself confidence and love before jumping into something big. While it has taken a while, and I still work every day at it, learning how to be my own biggest cheerleader is a skill that is invaluable later in life and will save me from learning it the hard way when I really need it.
3. You discover who you are out of the shadows of someone else.
A lot of people alter themselves and their personality to appeal to another person. For instance, if your crush is a punk rocker or into skateboarding, you might stream death metal or buy a skateboard to get on their radar. Without anyone to impress, I was free to pursue things that I had a passion for, that I was good at, and some that I wasn’t so good at without linking that identity to anyone else. If there’s one thing that I want to carry with me from high school, it’s the sense of self I discovered, and the joy of exploration that I allowed myself.
To all of you out there who are still with their high school sweetheart or who will always have love for them (or not), I don’t want to invalidate your experience: y’all truly have something super special. But for those of you who know the feeling of agonizing over finding a prom date or comparing yourself to the lovebirds at your school, just know that did not draw the short end of the stick.