I have always been a part of my least favorite demographic. I used to think “God I hate middle school girls”, then it was “Teenage girls are the absolute worst” and now here I am in my twenties, with the realization that my peers have always been the bane of my existence.
An attractive couple walks past me and I waste time that could have been spent marveling at the guy’s perfectly sculpted arms to instead scan the girl’s perfect hair. Then instead of telling her “You have gorgeous hair”, I quietly swallow the bitter taste of resentment and walk past.
But why?
“I feel that some girls need the validation to feel better about themselves by attempting to outshine others,” says third year Feminist Studies major Sheridan Gomez. “Yet if someone is keen on that they need to look in the mirror and see what may be missing in their life. We need to lift each other up as women and work together instead of against each other.”
That same girl with the perfect hair has no doubt had similar moments–she probably would argue that her hair and skin are the furthest from perfect, and these insecurities have sometimes prevented her from blessing a fellow 20-something girl with her approval.
This cycle of self-conscious, jealous rivalry leads to all of us feeling like crap–there’s really no eloquent way to phrase that. Many of us are too insecure to even admit to being so. When a girl gets dressed in the morning, adjusting her slouchy sweater to fall off her shoulder just so, chances are she’s not thinking about some cute boy she’s going to run into–she’s more preoccupied with the inevitable silent ambush of hundreds of mascara-laden eyes that will begin devouring her as she steps out the door.
It seems like it’s not about being pretty, smart or funny; the goal is to be prettier, smarter, and funnier.
How would you feel about yourself if you had never seen another girl your age?
This has been the case for centuries, so it is safe to assume it will not change any time soon. It’s human nature, after all. However, I’ve recently learned that while taking individual action to break that cycle won’t cure a societal condition, it WILL ease tension from your own life.
Next time you admire something about another girl, whether it’s a comment she made in class, a cool nail polish color, or her hand-knit coffee cup sleeve, SAY IT.
There’s no need for an increase of insincere remarks that do nothing but fill a silence, but if you mean what you say, you’ll see that if you allow yourself to let your guard down and shed the steel facade of indifference, those you interact with will do the same. Sadly, a compliment from a random girl will come as a pleasant surprise.
We try so hard to impress people we pretend not to notice.
“Women need to realize that we, together, are a force to be reckoned with,” says second year UCSB Communications major Anna Kodelashvili. “Our power has been hidden behind society’s idea of makeup, facelifts, and exercise machines constantly telling us we aren’t good enough. If we don’t stand up for each other, no one will,” she says.
We are all so different, there is no point in comparisons. It’s a vicious world but none of us are actually mean girls. We’re in the same boat, so throw your sister a paddle–she’s swimming with sharks.