I recently had to deal with the loss of my dog over the summer, and it hasn’t been an easy recovery. I’m here to reassure you that your feelings about losing a pet are 100% valid, and you shouldn’t let anyone devalue your amount of grief. Owning a dog will change your life forever. They are the world’s best companions and have the amazing ability to bring you joy in times of sadness and stress. Now, I don’t want to make this a sob story but, rather, I want to share my story so that someone else can feel understood in these difficult times if they happen to be going through something similar.
My dog, Teddy, was the best boy on the planet. He was a mini goldendoodle and literally looked like a Teddy bear you could find at a stuffed animal store. We got him during Christmas time and he was flown to us all the way from Maine, which was so cool. I remember the moment I saw him and just thinking how could he be real? He’s so freakin’ tiny and adorable!
The great thing about his breed was that he never shed, so we didn’t have to worry about puppy fur all over the house. Although, we had cats as well so there was fur around anyways. He behaved in the typical puppy ways, chewing things he shouldn’t chew, barking too much, getting too excited, biting with his sharp little puppy teeth, and so on. He attended puppy school and graduated; however, I’m not sure his training really stuck with him . . . but we loved him anyways. It was nearly impossible to be mad at him. He’d chew a pair of my Victoria’s Secret underwear or an expensive bra, and I’d get really frustrated with him, but then an hour later I’d be back to calling him in my adoring puppy voice that was three octaves higher than my normal voice and forgetting to be mad. It’s fine that you chewed my underwear I can always buy more, I’d tell him. When you own a dog, or any pet for that matter, they become a part of the family. They become another person you can talk to, and it’s even better because their lack of response makes you feel completely understood. No one is better at listening to you rant about your feelings for an hour than your dog. They are always there for you, listening intently while you rub their belly. Well, they might just be daydreaming about that squirrel they saw earlier, but still. Their presence instantly comforts and de-stresses you. Their silly antics will never fail to bring a smile to your face. Teddy had the hilarious habit of becoming a “piranha” as we called it, by burrowing under the blankets on the bed and growling and snapping ferociously whenever we put our hand near him.
I’m not going to go into much detail about what happened, but we lost Teddy far too soon. He was diagnosed with cancer and was sick for about five months, starting in February. It was really difficult for me because I had to finish my Spring quarter, so I wasn’t there for him or my mom until June. I’m thankful for the time I did get to spend with him during summer, going on many walks and park visits and having lots of cuddles and important talks. Though we were mostly prepared, his loss came very suddenly and unexpectedly. It was an incredibly painful time. There isn’t anything that can help cure the sadness you feel after losing your dog, but here are some things that helped me cope for the time being.
1. Grief takes time
Whether you’re grieving the loss of a pet or a loved one, it’s an unfortunate truth that not much will makes things better except for time. Lots and lots of time. The first month or so was really rough. I was thinking about it every second of every day, forgetting sometimes that he was gone. I didn’t want to accept that it was real. After another few months though, I wasn’t thinking about it as often and was able to get on with life and feel happy again. It just takes time. I definitely think about him now and then, and it will make me momentarily sad again, but it’s important not to let that debilitate you. If you’re able to accept that it will take a while before you aren’t sad again, then it’s easier to cope. Don’t be afraid to fully embrace the sadness.
2. Commemorate their life
Now this isn’t for everyone and is totally a personal choice, but my mom and I decided to get tattoos in memory of Teddy. It was a spontaneous decision we made just two days after we lost him, but, at the time, we felt it was the best way to release the pain we were feeling as well as to show our love for him. I got a small paw print on my left wrist, so whenever I look down I’m reminded of him. Whether it’s getting a tattoo, planting flowers in their memory, building them a shrine, putting their favorite toy on your mantel, or whatever it is you want to do, nothing is too big or too small to commemorate your pet’s life.
3. Spend time with close friends and family
So many of my friends loved Teddy (he was a popular boy), so it really helped to have their support during this time. Being with people who make you feel loved and can empathize with how you’re feeling is especially important.
4. Celebrate
I know it sounds a little wrong to “celebrate” the death of a pet, but it’s healthier to think of it more as a celebration of their life rather than a memorial. We had a celebration for Teddy’s life at his favorite dog park. We invited everyone who knew him, had lots of food, and watched all of his puppy friends play. This was really special to us because it showed us just how much of an impact Teddy had on other people’s lives as well as ours. It also helped us feel like we could move on.
Whatever you feel like doing after losing a pet will be the right thing to do. Just remember that they loved you immensely and appreciated everything you gave to them. It’s one of the hardest things to go through; it’s going to be painful and horrible and you’re going to miss them more than anything. Losing a pet can be just as hard as losing anyone else, because it’s not all that different. It’s losing someone you loved with your whole heart, and when they aren’t there anymore, it feels really empty for a while. But eventually you begin moving on with life and functioning without them becomes easier little by little. No matter what, they’ll always be in your heart. My love goes out to anyone else going through this because I didn’t know, until losing Teddy, just how much it can affect you. Don’t let anyone shame you for grieving your dog too much. They were a significant part of your life so it’s completely valid to express your sadness.
Teddy will be missed and will always be loved. He deserved a longer life, but I’m happy that we were able to give him a joy filled life for as long as we possibly could.
All images via Lorraine Padgett
I love you forever, my little chewbacca!