Some people can watch a global warming documentary, or read a piece of classic Russian literature by Dostoevsky and claim their life is changed forever. For me, that life changing moment was Girls on HBO. I’m not being dramatic when I say that I would not be the woman I am today, without Girls.
When Lena Dunham first pitched the show to HBO, she was adamant about the fact that she had never seen her or her friends represented on her TV screen. She most certainly fixed that problem — the core four friend group of Hannah, Marnie, Jessa, and Shoshanna makes for an uncomfortable, personal, and agonizingly real, viewing experience.
Between my phone, my HBO account, and Hulu, my TV consumption is high enough that I feel entitled to state: Girls is one of the most important pieces of media for women in their 20s to watch. The horrible boyfriends, the city life, and the female friendships are depicted in a crude way that most shows are scared to try.
Dating and Sex in Your 20s
Shows love to depict post-grad dating as a sort of hobby. The women rarely seem anxious as they go on multiple first dates a week at fancy restaurants downtown — their biggest concern which lip color to wear. I, on the other hand, have to take a Zofran and probably cry a couple times in the hours leading up to plans with a man. Girls represents that for me.
Lena Dunham’s character, Hannah Horvath, is a very flawed, OCD-ridden, and narcissistic writer who begins the series in an entanglement with artist Adam (Adam Driver). Their conversations are painfully awkward and are rarely flirty or sexy in any capacity. We’ve become so used to the unrealistic, quick-witted back and forth banter between love interests on TV, that really only happen with a script.
In terms of dating experience and preferences, Girls has a character for everyone. You know those millions of “which Sex and the City character are you” quizzes? If you want something similar, but quite a bit more revealing (and humbling), find out which Girls girl you are.
Shoshanna Shapiro, for instance, starts the show as a virgin. She later goes on to crave highly-curated, romantic relationships that line up with her intense ambition. Shosh’s cousin Jessa, on the contrary, is a free spirit who has traveled the world and lived a million different lives. Jessa has a confidence that allows her a laissez-faire way about men, which is such a refreshing on-screen representation of women’s sexuality and hookup culture.
Girls is one of the only shows I’ve ever watched that doesn’t glorify sex. In fact, they very rarely include good sex in the story because that’s just not how it is in real life! Lena Dunham has the girls dealing with condom mishaps, uncomfortable sex positions, STIs, period sex, UTIs… aspects that are rarely included in media because it disintegrates the “ideal sex” fantasy.
Big City Life
Moving to big cities post-grad seems extra trendy right now, and I blame the glorification of city life on social media. Those “DIML in NYC” TikToks are almost always posted by people who can afford a high-rise in Manhattan and an unlimited solidcore membership. Not to be the bearer of bad news, but most of us will be lucky to find an apartment that doesn’t have three roommates and a mold problem.
New York City is depicted as its true self in Girls. There’s no high saturation color grading, they didn’t exclusively film on sunny days, and they show way more 7/11’s than fancy restaurants. By the end of the show (spoilers ahead), Hannah has associated NYC with both feelings of anxiety and human waste in the streets, leading to her moving out of the city.
People like to say that Sex and the City is a must-watch for young women, myself included. I owe much of my opinion on men, my love for writing, and my value in female friendships to Sex and the City. But, it’s a slippery slope. Samantha and Charlotte can absolutely be fun characters to minimally aspire to be, but it sets up totally unrealistic expectations that Girls works to undo.
I mean, in what world does every girl in a friend group have their own studio apartment with a closet full of Manolos? Not every show has to be hyperrealistic, of course, but I encourage anyone who watches SATC to switch to Girls for a bit, just to lower expectations back down to a safe, realistic level.
Female Friendships
In Sex and the City, the biggest fight I can recall is when Carrie tells Miranda she’s going to meet with Big before he leaves for Napa, and Miranda is sick of it. It escalates to a huge verbal blowout, but it’s resolved 15 minutes later by the end of the episode through a phone call. Not a single one of the arguments between the four girls spans over multiple episodes, because the script is kind-of too full of forgiveness.
Girls depicts female friendships as they are; beautiful, nuanced, frustrating, and evolving. Most of the arguments between Hannah and her best friends are ridiculously painful to watch and filled with awkward silences, which is how it should be! Friendships between women involve so much emotion and sometimes a simple phone call isn’t always a cure.
I love a show that was so clearly written in a room full of women. Scenes that show the unseen parts of female friendships, like Hannah on the toilet yelling to Jessa about her UTI, are so fun, because it reminds me that we really are all just girls. I have yet to find another show that has me sending this many clips to my best friend and saying “us.”
Making Mistakes
The purpose of the Girls roles is that they are all severely flawed. During the show’s release, critics complained that the characters were too insufferable and their horrible decision-making skills made the show unwatchable.
This frustrates me because that is literally the whole point! We are supposed to mess up again and again and again in our 20s. We are supposed to make the wrong decisions and date the wrong men.
Every decision as a young woman feels too important — we’re hyperaware that this is a “formative” time in our lives, so we can’t afford any mistakes, can we? Girls is the antithesis of this.
The plot of Girls is like a car crash that you just can’t look away from. Hannah somehow always manages to say the wrong thing, and Marnie literally sings a lyrical cover of “Stronger” at her ex’s company party.
The beautiful thing is that despite the unholy amount of mistakes, it always turns out okay for them. Lena Dunham’s comedic genius works hand-in-hand with their acting to make for a show that is oddly comforting and reassuring about the future as a woman.