The author of this article is not trying to get anyone fired. Therefore, names and places of employment will not be disclosed. You know who you are, love you all, keep it up and stay employed.Â
Dear friends,Â
You know what they say: The best things in life are free. The sound of the first Isla Vista rain of the year as you fall asleep. A peaceful walk through the Arbor, unapproached by tablers. Getting to the bus stop at the perfect moment. Finding a spot for your entire squad in the library during finals week. Or, perhaps, a quick sip on the way to class. A late night bite.
Thank you, lovely and employed friends, on behalf of my physical, mental and financial well-being. How lucky am I to have friends like you? Sometimes there is no better “good morning” text than one that doesn’t say “good morning” at all, but rather “come visit me at work.” In fact, there are three things that specifically make this offer of a text so terrific.Â
- First and most importantly, I get to see you!Â
My schedule tends to be so terribly busy these days. From back-to-back-to-back lectures to those 20-minute naps that have a way of extending themselves to two hours, I don’t get the time to see you all as much as I’d like. My life has had too many “I’ll text you”s shouted as we walk in opposite directions at crosswalks and too few texts sent afterward — sometimes a workplace encounter is the perfect (and only) time for us to see each other. You can be sure I’ll maximize the moment by taking a few 0.5x photos of you hard at work.Â
- The chance of having a terribly awkward checkout counter interaction is immediately eliminated.
As a creature of habit (and the victim of both food allergies and self-imposed vegetarianism), I tend to limit myself (or am otherwise limited) to one or two menu items, no matter where I go. I know what I like. But when it comes time to actually order, suddenly every opinion I’ve ever had abandons me. I can and will stand in front of the Square tablet like a small child left stranded in a grocery store checkout line. It really makes my entire day to have someone across the counter that will decide for me or, better yet, already anticipate what I’m going to order.Â
- A little something for $Free.99
I would look terrible if I put this perk in one of the top two spots, but college students love free things. What’s better than a coffee on the way to class in the early hours of the morning? A free coffee on the way to class in the early hours of the morning. Bonus points when it’s made by one of your favorite people ever. In my darkest times, at my lowest of lows, in the days before my direct deposit hits, you are my heroes.Â
In all seriousness, I’m so grateful to have found such an incredible group of friends at UC Santa Barbara. To live in such a unique and exciting place surrounded by bright, driven people — I couldn’t have asked for anything more. You all motivate me to be a better version of myself, albeit one who will crawl out of bed to visit you at your places of employment.Â
The level of community and friendship that I feel takes me back to the days of babysitting co-ops and sports carpools, sharing snacks around the lunch table and trading Silly Bandz. A bizarre bit of nostalgia. Except instead of backseat pretzels and Danimals, you know me in a hot vanilla latte, veggie sandwich (hold the peppers), everything bagel, extra napkins to take back to the apartment kind of way. I love it, and I love you all. I appreciate your free things, and I promise I would never be mad if you need to start charging me.
(Figurative) Hugs,
Alicia
P.S. I promise I will never use my fake name when you’re at the register <3
P.P.S. I’m sorry that working for the newspaper doesn’t come with any friends and family discount … I’m really not pulling my weight in the benefits pool. I’m more than happy to hand-deliver a print copy of the Daily Nexus to your doorstep, though, if that’s something you’d be interested in.
