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Being the Main Character of my Story

Beautiful, brave, and bold everything–– I have ever wanted to be, but never felt enough to be. I never believed I was the main character of my story, just a side character, trudging through my insecurities. However, in a world where there is so much “you should be this,” or “you should be that,” I need to be the main character of my own story. 

It wasn’t until quarantine where I was bored out of my mind that I picked up an old hobby of mine: reading. Books provide a great distraction, and for days, I would get lost in them for hours. Flipping through the pages and beautifully written words, I entered different worlds packed with magic but the best part? I met amazing protagonists. Girls who defy odds; Girls who step up to the occasion; Girls who have vulnerabilities. 


Daphne drinking
Netflix / Giphy.com


In the beginning, I had hoped and wished that I could somehow magically enter a book and create a story for myself. I wanted to be the fierce girl wielding swords and sarcasm who at the end of the day, always won. 

I was never really confident growing up. I always stayed in the back of the line to avoid catching anyone’s attention. I hesitated to speak my mind because I’m scared of what people will think. I wasn’t anything like the girls I read who wielded their words like weapons. 

I noticed one very important thing: not all the characters that I read are perfect. They did not start out perfect and they did not end perfect. They were like me. They have insecurities and weaknesses, but they learned to grow and learned to accept themselves. It isn’t that I am less than any character I read. I am only in the beginning phases of my story, and every day is a different chapter. If I want something, I should reach out. If I want something, I should say it.


The Queen's Gambit series poster


I can’t be the heroine of a story that doesn’t exist. These are girls on paper who are written to perfection while I am a girl of reality, one of which I have been ignoring. It was too hard being the heroine of my own story. I simply never felt like I was winning.  Nowadays, I am louder in expressing myself, saying what I want to say, and doing what I want to do. I treat every day like a new arc in my story, and college has become more fun and inviting after I realized everything. I am able to speak up during classes, meet new people, join awesome clubs, and interact with amazing people.

I still struggle with myself on a daily basis and wish I could travel through a book, but at the end of the day, my story is my own, one where I am the main character. I don’t need magical swords or fancy ball gowns. I have my words, my writing, my creativity; every one of which holds power. 

So to the people reading this, you are the author, reader, and protagonist of your story. 



Freshman at UCSB studying Biopsychology and minoring in Chinese. An avid reader and lover of books.
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