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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UCSB chapter.

No one could have anticipated this past weekend’s events, and our entire community has been rattled with confusion, fear, and grief. Many of us, myself included, may be unfamiliar with the reactions we are having. After consulting a local psychologist and following up on her information with research of my own, I would like to offer some facts about the mourning process that apply to any form of loss. Read if you feel they could be of comfort.

  • It’s okay to be selfish for a while. Take some time to yourself, and don’t worry about being a little “rude” for these first days. This is your time to cope.

  • Any loss is valid; no matter how well you knew someone, if you are grieving, it is acceptable and natural.

  • As a supporter, words like “I’m here for you” mean very little. Actually reach out and make definitive plans to meet with the mourner.

  • Tears are healthy–they release chemicals responsible for anxiety, irritability, aggression, and emotional disturbance. Cry, cry, cry.

  • Time does not heal all wounds; time builds acceptance and coping methods. There is no pressure to feel better by a certain time.

  • Guilt and anger are normal, even when inexplicable or directionless.

  • Your close friends may not necessarily know how to help you, so reach out to those who can, starting with campus resources: 805-893-4411 for 24/7 counseling; or go directly to the CAPS headquarters in the pink building across from Theater and Dance.

  • Therapy and counseling do not mean you are crazy or abnormal in any way; these are support systems of specialists who can help explain your perfectly rational feelings.

  • Sometimes those you would not have expected can become your biggest supporters, so take people up on offers to chat.

  • Although it hurts, often directly discussing the subject of grief brings more peace than avoiding it.

  • Expect random bursts of returned sadness, even long after the event. Grief comes in waves.

Finally, do not feel guilty for participating in things that bring you joy; live for those who no longer can.

To those whose lives were cruelly cut short this past week, we will never forget you. To everyone suffering in the wake of this catastrophe: with broken hearts, we can and will rebuild each other and our community.

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Rachel is a senior at UC Santa Barbara and studies Communication and Global Peace and Security. Rachel is from a small, beautiful town in southern California called Palos Verdes. However, Palos Verdes is just one of the many places Rachel has lived. Rachel spent her childhood moving and traveling all over the world, living in places such as Indianapolis, Indiana; Santiago, Chile; Vienna, Austria; and Orlando, Florida. Rachel has found her heart and her home in California, choosing to spend her college years in sunny Santa Barbara. However, Rachel continued her wanderlust when she studied abroad in Barcelona, Spain in Fall 2012. At UCSB, Rachel is an immensely dedicated and involved member of her sorority Kappa Kappa Gamma, where she held the positions of Panhellenic Delegate, Inter-Greek Counselor, Rho Gam, and a member of the Nominating Slate. Best Buddies, a nonprofit organization dedicated to creating opportunities for one-to-one friendships, integrated employment, and leadership development for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, is a passion of Rachel's, as she is their Social Media Coordinator as well as an active and proud member. As a member of the Lambda Pi Eta Communication Honors Society, Rachel is able to implement her prowess and affinity for communication and communication-related issues. When Rachel is not writing, participating in Kappa events, or volunteering, you can find her in the gym, on the soccer field, watching Modern Family, or cooking. Rachel's love for sports, food, and writing often times go hand-in-hand, as one may see in her weekly blogs. For the past two summers, Rachel has been freelance writing for the Los Angeles Times, and hopes to continue her career pursuit of journalism after she graduates. Rachel is elated to be a part of Her Campus's fabulous team and loves every moment of it!