Being an RA sounds almost entirely undesirable to most people. You’ll find yourself working through the night, cleaning up vomit, mitigating mental health crises, living where you work… yeah. It can be kinda lame. Waking up at 3am to a call from someone’s mom asking where her son is can be awkward at best and a violation of FERPA at worst. But no job has taught me more about myself than being a Resident Assistant, so let me enlighten you.
1. Resources Galore
We’ll start with the boring stuff (famously the best way to get people interested in your writing). We have 2 Food Banks on campus. You can scan a code at the UCen and get free food, just for being a college student! There are also Undergraduate Learning Assistants for your toughest classes, along with CLAS, DSP Notetakers, CARE, CAPS, the Office of the Ombuds (no one, and I mean no one, knows what this means), and Social Work Services, all happy to help you on campus. In fact, many of those are confidential resources whom you can go to whenever you may need. In fact, last year I even found myself seeking help with some of those confidential resources, which I had always been scared to do.
2. Microwave nightmares
Stop microwaving tin foil. Stop microwaving Tupperware. Wear shoes when walking down the hallways of San Nicolas (please). PLEASE put water into the Kraft™ Mac and Cheese before it enters the microwave.
3. Don’t avoid the conflicts
It is always better to talk to your roommate earlier rather than later. Don’t let yourself get frustrated with “the little things” in the interest of keeping the peace. You’ll find yourself one day Marriage Story-ing your roommate in an uncomfortable and potentially indelicate manner. Make a trash schedule. If you don’t want her boyfriend spending the night, every night, put it into words! If you are always turning off the lights, cleaning the sink, or sweeping the floor, let them know. Living with another person is really, really hard, and that is okay! Just make sure you are willing to own your imperfections, too. Every day brings an opportunity to improve (even if that means you have to stop having as many sleepovers with Joe. I promise, diva, you’ll sleep better without him).
4. We’re all human
Now for the real stuff. In the interest of being clear, I am not a mental health specialist, nor do I even have a bachelor’s degree. The only intent I have in writing this piece is to bring peace to those of you who, as I do, ruminate on each and every “mistake” you’ve made between the sixth grade (I’m sorry for even mentioning it) and today. Let me tell you, every single person you’re jealous of has done something so remarkably embarrassing, inadequate, imperfect, inarticulate, downright degrading that they try to forget. Every person you are jealous of has thrown up in a communal bathroom, cried in the hallway, fallen down on Del Playa, crashed their parents’ car, accidentally cut themselves while shaving, impulsively cut their own hair and regretted it, posted something they regret, laughed too loud, swallowed their gum, tripped in front of their crush, or stapled their finger.
Your Regina George thinks her teeth are too yellow, her eyebrows are too thick, her feet are too wide, has to pluck hairs out of her chin, is scared of popcorn reading, peed her pants when she was way too old, and gets nervous to raise her hand in class. Each of us has looked in the mirror and cried, utterly despising what floated before us. An unchanging, ever-present reflection of our imperfections.
We are all human, and each of us hopes that no one is there for our worst moments. Don’t let the few things they let you see fool you that there isn’t ever a bad day, month, or year. And don’t let your bad day fool you into thinking it’s a bad life.
5. You’re tougher than you think
You can handle tough situations! Your classmates go to school hours away from home, even if their dad or mom has cancer. I’ve seen UCSB students walk away from major illness and injury, seen my coworkers expertly listen to and sit with people who are hurt, scared, or sad. I’ve watched best friends ensure that others don’t get the car keys when he’s drunk, and I’ve seen enemies (corny, I know) hold each other’s hair back, throwing up.
I’ve seen introverts give speeches, and I’ve seen students fail chemistry and have the courage to try it again. I’ve watched women play soccer concurrently on three different “male” intramural sports teams during one season. I’ve seen residents own up to mistakes, sincere apologies between roommates, and students ask for help when they know their parents would never have expected them to be struggling. I might have cleaned up vomit a couple of times, and I did take a few residents to the ER, but the resilience demonstrated by the residents was a privilege I got to see every day.
6. You must be a villager to have a village
Inconvenience is the price of Community. No, not that community. Although I do wish that we could have a little more of the Dean here on campus. Community only survives when you sacrifice some of your comfort to help those around you. When you give your friend a ride to the airport or buy someone a “just ’cause” latte, you form connections that, sometimes, I fear, are weaker now than they ever were. When you knock on your neighbor’s door, wouldn’t it be nice if they were excited to give you their stick of butter?
And, why don’t we normalize complimenting the outfits that we think are cute, but we never acknowledge out loud? Wouldn’t grocery shopping be more fun if you and she did it together? All of our lives can only be enhanced by inviting more people over, making each other food, and dropping off a flower to your best friend at work. Even if it’s out of your way, or unexpected, or unneeded, take the time to meet new people and to cherish those you know already.
7. No one’s watching you
No one is paying that much attention to you. I spent every waking moment of sophomore and junior year feeling like people were actively praying for my downfall. Every look, every gesture, was in some way a dig at me or the way I looked. Life becomes so free when you accept that no one gives a sh*t. My residents didn’t care what I was doing, and neither did my bosses (to an extent, obviously). You are okay! Laugh your loudest, wear that outfit, that makeup, and dance like no one is watching. Truly, no one is. I was recorded one time, but like, that’s chill and doesn’t help my argument, so don’t worry about it.
conclusion
Honorable Mention: Carrillo is better than DLG and Portola. Argue with a wall.
A final note: Thank you so much for reading this, and I hope you are excited for more! If one thing is true about me, I like to give my opinion freely, loudly, and constantly. Best wishes, and I’ll see you again soon. Or, I guess, you’ll see me.