The air was crisp and my stomach cramps were killing me as I scootered my way to Target (sorry, I didn’t feel like walking). Pads were my main objective, along with perhaps a six pack of peach raspberry Dazzl’r antioxidant sparkling water. I stood in front of the shelves, unsure which brand of feminine products to get.
As I reached for the cheapest option, a gentle voice — the kind I only ever hear in my picture-perfect dreams — asked if that was the last one. I blinked once and then twice, looked back at the shelf and saw another pack. I shook my head and pointed it out to her. Elena (a fake name, because why would I do that to myself?) had the kindest eyes I had ever seen; they held the color of the earth. I stared for a second too long before striking up a meaningless conversation.
After saying goodbye and paying for my stuff, I pulled out my phone and texted my roommates: “i think i met the loml at target.” I did not, in fact, meet the love of my life.
My reaction to one brief conversation poses the question: What are we hoping to find when we fancy someone? Humans are social creatures, and university is a natural place to meet people. We share classes, eat in the same dining halls, and keep running into each other across campus.
Yet when I say I’m in love, do I actually want to know this person, or do I want the reassurance that someone could find me interesting and worth their attention? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to feel desired — I think it’s safe to say we all want connection. Still, the feeling of being wanted and the feeling of loving someone aren’t the same thing. At times, boredom is part of the equation.
When life feels repetitive, a new crush can give you something to anticipate: a text to reply to, a possibility to daydream about. I’m not arguing that every crush is fake or that boredom can’t coexist with genuine interest. On the other hand, when you know very little about someone, there’s plenty of room for your imagination to fill in the blanks. Suddenly, you’re picturing a future with someone whose middle name you don’t even know. Maybe you’re drawn to who they are; maybe you’re drawn to the excitement of having someone to think about.
With this in mind, take what I said with a grain of salt. You really could be bored and in love. The cute brunette from your history class may become your future partner, so definitely don’t let me be a buzzkill.
Signing off,
Maritza