Your Nostalgia is Killing You: A Guide to Grief Over Memories Past

Does anyone else experience the grief-driven stomachache that comes from your self-perpetuated nostalgia? Whether it be from your own camera-roll doom scroll or a montage of someone else’s childhood memories to “Scott Street” by Phoebe Bridgers, we are in a constant loop of longing for what has already passed us by. 

I am incredibly guilty of living in the past; revisiting pictures from moments in my life that shimmer and shine as the photos taken on an old iPhone with a home-movie like quality often do. Smelling the different fabric swatches from various productions of my youth, remembering the taste of Famous Amos cookies at recess in kindergarten. Even the bike rides with my parents during COVID, watching the pink sky and feeling the forbidden fresh air on my face. I am nostalgic for it all. 

Our generation has a big problem with nostalgia. I attribute this to social media, and the intense longing for any time other than the present. I mean, I don’t blame us. Who wants to live in a time where our rights are debated, people are dying by the masses around the world and we have no idea what the next ten years could hold for humanity? Not me. Thus, I often struggle with presence. I long for my youth when I wasn’t so conscious of the world around me. It is such a gift to have so much knowledge, but it’s also allowed to feel like a curse.

The truth is, nothing was easier at 17, the colors in the sky weren’t brighter, and sure, life feels simpler back then when looking at it through today’s lens, but in reality, it wasn’t. You were a bleach blonde who felt she had to dye her hair to gain some autonomy over her ever-changing high school body. She was nostalgic for the you that sits in front of this article today. And she didn’t even know you.  

What if, instead of mourning the past, you took that energy and injected it into your presence? Easier said than done. But, I started doing this about a year and a half ago, and it’s really changed my outlook on my past, and my present. I attribute most of this change to my Five Minute Journal, a small book that was over-advertised all of 2018 at Urban Outfitters, but has honestly changed my life. Instead of waking up in the morning and scrolling on social media, getting flashbacks from a year ago, two years ago, even six years ago when I had clearer skin and my biggest concern was the time on my delivered Snapchat, I spend that time writing down three things I’m grateful for and three things that would make today a great day. At the end of the day, the journal asks you to write down three positive things that happened that day and your daily affirmation. My three highlights of the day are always completely different from the three things I thought would’ve made that day a great one. You have to start taking stock of the positivity you’re currently living in, because in a year or two, this will start to become the nostalgia where “the colors were brighter,” and “things were simpler back then.” I’m not saying that every day will be your best day, and I’m definitely not saying that this year will automatically be better than any others, but in order to feel some sort of control over your narrative, you need to literally be where your feet are. 

Let your memories be memories. Look back on them fondly, appreciate them for all they gave you, and the life they continue to inspire, but realize that today will fade into the millennium of nostalgia, so live in this moment as if you’re coming back to it five years from now, wishing you could relish your youth. I sound like an over-eager camp counselor, but listen, your boobs will never sit better than they do today, and you won’t ever be able to pound shots and get up for class like you do now, so enjoy it. 

Here are my 3 things: 

1. I spent the day with my entire sorority 
2. My coffee was made perfectly 
3. I went to bed with clean laundry 

Find a Five Minute Journal here.

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