Why is it that we fear this feeling? What makes falling in love so hard? Or rather, why are we so afraid of love itself?
From his new album Wishbone, “Nauseous” is for the girls who are scared to be loved, who doubt the love they deserve, who’ve given pieces of themselves only to end up feeling used and unseen. It’s for the girls who think love this good must be too good to be true, who fight self-sabotage out of fear they’ll ruin something that finally feels real. It’s for the girls who struggle with vulnerability because love feels dangerous – because opening up means risking hurt. It’s for the girls who finally feel truly cared for yet can’t shake the fear it could slip away, or that quiet insecurity of wondering if he’s loved someone this deeply before, too.
Even Conan Gray himself puts it perfectly. In an interview he mentions that it’s about meeting “someone who’s so great and who you know is gonna love you and not hurt you, and that’s much more terrifying than meeting someone who you kind of know is an a–hole.” Wise words, Conan. Even this old Bruin feels that.
“You’re holding my hand / My mind sees a grizzly trap.”
The song captures the terrifying beauty of falling in love – how affection can feel both comforting and dangerous. It’s that uneasy feeling of being safe and comfortable yet bracing for pain. It is as if such affection can feel weaponized. Maybe it’s the lack of trust, or perhaps it’s the echo of being wronged before – enough to build expectations that love always comes with a catch.
“Your love is a threat and I’m nauseous / Scares me to death how I want it.”
Sometimes, we confuse fear with desire. It’s that push-and-pull feeling of being drawn to something that terrifies you. The intensity makes you dizzy, almost sick. You want it, but wanting it feels like a risk.
“Too trusting and loving, depending and kind / Behind every kiss is a jaw that could bite.”
Then comes the self-awareness, the recognition of patterns we’ve learned from the past. It’s that realization that vulnerability has always been paired with pain, yet we keep showing up anyway, because even if love hurts, we crave it.
“I know that it’s in me to really love someone / But that’s not a thing that I learned from my loved ones.”
That line hits painfully. Some of us never learned what healthy love looks like. Maybe it was something we acknowledged and just accepted because it was how we learned to love or how we processed love. Sometimes it is truly hard to love or it feels like you are too difficult to be loved, or even show that love. Maybe we had to teach ourselves, piece by piece. Love doesn’t always come naturally; sometimes it’s something we unlearn and relearn over and over again.
“Maybe that’s why I feel safe with bad guys / Because when they hurt me I won’t be surprised.”
And maybe that’s why we find comfort in the familiar pain. It’s choosing to be kept in the known over the unknown… what’s predictable over what’s new; going with what seems comfortable because it’s what we’re used to. Because new love means new risk.
So yeah… love is sickening. Revolting. It makes me sick to my stomach. Sometimes I don’t know how to handle love… or maybe love just can’t handle me. It’s overwhelming. It makes us say things we don’t mean, run from what we want or sabotage what feels too real. Maybe we’ve just gotten too good at taking the exits instead of learning how to stay.
So while being caught up in the emotions and finding an alternate route to be away from love, when love feels like nausea, it’s possibly not the feeling that’s wrong; rather, it’s just the fear of finally feeling something real.