I remember counting down the days until I would be back on campus. My C-Session class was over, and I had a little bit of time to relax. Still, I couldn’t help but think about school and how we would be back in person again after a year and a half of Zoom University.
As soon as the lease date for my apartment rolled around, I moved in and settled down. I did everything I could to hang out with my friends during the last few weeks of summer break. We spent the nights eating ice cream, watching horror movies, and having jam sessions. We stayed up way too late just talking, but we wanted to make up for the lost time.
But the reality is starting to sink in. I’m not the freshman I was pre-pandemic. I’m a junior now.
It feels like I went through some sort of weird time skip, and I can’t help but think about all that I missed out on and all that I’m not ready for. I’ve had more classes online than in-person, and I’ll admit I still forget where some of the buildings on campus are.
The last time I was at UCLA, I lived in Hedrick Summit. Of course, I was still studying my tail off for clusters and lower-division courses, but I was also too busy stuffing my face with Study sandwiches and Café 1919 gelato to worry about adulthood and the future. On the Hill, everything I needed was right there, and I could feel as carefree as a teenager while being as independent as an adult.
Now I’m sitting in my first apartment, wondering where the time went. My roommates and I always mourn over our days at the dining halls and joke about how we got robbed. We got the sweet, sweet taste of De Neve Late Night for two quarters before being exiled to the cold confines of our apartment.
Okay, it really isn’t that bad. I actually love apartment living, but there’s still a pang in my chest when I think about how I lost my entire sophomore year to the pandemic. I can’t help but think about all of the time I lost with my friends, all of the club meetings that I missed, and all of the professors I couldn’t meet up with.
Looking to the future, I get this sinking feeling because I realize I’m already more than halfway through college. All of a sudden, I’m thinking about graduate programs and figuring out the best time to prepare for the GRE. I’m thinking about internships and building my resume. I’m not ready to think about life after college and how my path will diverge from my friends’.
Despite this sadness, returning to campus has challenged me to adopt a new mindset. I can’t change the past and the future is uncertain but I can still make the most of the time I have now.
Instead of telling myself that I’m already halfway through college, I tell myself that I’m only halfway through college. Two years—and even one year—is still plenty of time to learn, grow and make memories. Worrying about what’s to come won’t add a single minute to my life.
In some ways, I feel gratitude towards the last year and a half. Even though we couldn’t see each other, it was during the height of the pandemic when my relationships with my friends grew stronger. In all of the doubt and uncertainty, we held on to each other. It was also during this time that I reflected on what I wanted to get out of my college education.
It’s daunting being thrust into this chapter of my life after a sluggish year and a half of being stuck at home, but I’m thankful to be back. Losing my sophomore year has reminded me to never take anything for granted again.