It’s that time of year again! The weather goes from cold to freezing to hot to cold again. You’re either drowning in papers or being swallowed whole by your midterms. And don’t forget you have the flight home tomorrow for Thanksgiving!
Yet, Thanksgiving is still one of my favorite holidays. I love the fall weather, and I love going home. I even love the chaos of getting my extended family together and pretending there’s absolutely nothing bothering any of us.
But most of all, I love the food, which sounds a little funny coming from a vegetarian. But I can’t deny it — Thanksgiving delivers on the food front. So, in honor of my 7 AM flight home tomorrow, I’ve decided to put a little list together about what I think your favorite Thanksgiving dish says about you.
Dig in!
- Turkey
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Starting out strong, here. Bizarrely enough, your mouth waters over the dead bird that someone was in up to their lightly-washed elbows all day. You’re totally okay that someone was shoving their grimy fingers into all the little nooks and crannies of this poor animal. Whether it’s the dark meat or the light meat, you’re game. You douse that bad boy in gravy and make no apologies. You know what? Respect. But let’s be real. This is a safe place. Let’s be vulnerable and honest. You didn’t go in the kitchen all day, did you? You’re a sit back, relax, let the “pros” handle it type of Thanksgiving-er. You’re there for the food and that’s it. But that’s okay because society needs both sides of the coin. I mean, someone’s gotta backseat drive, right?
- Mashed potatoes
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You’re the real deal. You do not mess around with your favorite Thanksgiving side dish. You know better than anyone that the best mashed potatoes are the ones that make you regret (but not really) that fourth helping. If they’re not loaded up with butter, salt, pepper and gravy, you’re not interested. You understand that good mashed potatoes are the backbone of a successful Thanksgiving meal. It’s like a little secret that only you and the other chosen ones get to know. You’re also a dedicated fan of family drama, and you’re not afraid to get your hands dirty. This is your one opportunity a year to mess with your family with no consequences. You take advantage of the wild familial microcosm. If popcorn was an appropriate Thanksgiving dish, you would be eating it up while watching your aunt and uncle debate. But in the Thanksgiving spirit, you happily substitute mashed potatoes for popcorn and settle in for a great show.
- Stuffing
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Are you okay? You can be honest, no one’s judging you. Except maybe me. But in a concerned way, I promise. Really? Stuffing? Isn’t that the vaguely-but-not-really identifiable mush of color that your grandparents insisted get put inside the turkey? And then, of course, there are the extras that get put in a bowl on the table that only you touch. Is this ringing a bell? I’m sure it is. You’re the grandparents’ favorite. Out of all the cousins at the kid’s table full of fully-grown human beings (I mean, really, is 22-year-old cousin Jake from Vermont with the college degree really still a kid? Family gatherings are bizarre), you’re the only one to touch the stuffing. Hey, more for you. You’re the one who will let Grandpa talk for hours about nothing and somehow fall asleep. I’m going to come out and say it. We’ve got our eye on you. Seems like the stuffing might be your ticket into the will.
- Cranberries
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After the stuffing, I cannot believe I have to address this. I feel like it’s an unspoken, accepted rule of society that we all hate cranberries. I thought we all knew that that specific bowl on the table was just for decoration. Honestly, I can’t even tell you what they taste like. That’s how I know you’re the “quirky” one. You want to be different. You feign shock at the dinner table when Cousin Mikayla-Anne passes on your offer of that red goo. Uncle Carl doesn’t want any either? What! You can’t believe it! I hate to break it to you. Cranberries are not giving you what you think they are. You’re at risk for being the weird cousin (sorry not sorry). We all have one. Oh, now you’re saying not in your family? Babe…
- Dinner Rolls
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You get it. You are the definition of the chill one at Thanksgiving. It’s not your favorite holiday, you prefer the fun ones like Halloween or New Year’s Eve. You don’t totally vibe with the traditional food at Thanksgiving either, hence your undying love and loyalty to the dinner rolls. They never let you down. When can carbs ever go wrong? (Never, that’s the correct answer.) You even steal some pre-dinner as you pass through the kitchen while “just seeing how everyone is doing.” You have a good understanding of supply and demand at the Thanksgiving dinner table. The rolls go fast but you’re faster. As I said, you’re chill. When Aunt Cheryl makes a passive-aggressive comment at you over the green beans, you do not engage. You’re better than the rest of us. You don’t clap back about the pyramid scheme she just naively joined. You let Aunt Cheryl be Aunt Cheryl and get back to buttering up your delectable dinner roll.
- The Veggies
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Interesting choice. I’ve always been of the opinion that vegetables were kind of like a mandatory addition to the plate. They’re never quite as hot or as seasoned as you’d like, but you eat them anyway because they’re good for you, and you know you’re going to have two helpings of pie later. But you…you’re different. You puzzle me because you walk a fine line between two different sides of “vegetables are my favorite Thanksgiving dish.” Either you’re, one, just unique and you like those soggy green beans! Hell yeah! Hand over those bland carrots!! Don’t worry Cousin Jessica! I’ll eat your Brussels sprouts when your dad’s not looking (actually, you’re a real winner for that one). Or, two, the less appealing option. You’re the one who turns down all the good stuff. No mashed potatoes, no dinner rolls, no pie. Just the turkey and the veggies for you. Come on, where’s the fun in that? Butter exists for a reason, people.
Christin Urso / Spoon - Sweet Potato Casserole
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Like the cranberries, I’ve also never had this dish. So, do what you will with my two cents. But based on my extensive and exhaustive research (please read that in a British accent for effect) it’s a very sweet dessert/side dish, question mark? You know what, I’ve just realized it gives the vibes of the South’s version of my Midwest’s ambrosia salad. That’s it. I know everything I need to know now to write this paragraph. The most likely type of person to be this dish’s ride-or-die is someone also incredibly sweet. For some reason, I want to say it’s your and Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony’s go-to Thanksgiving dessert. It’s full of fluffy marshmallows and caramel and sugar — tooth-achingly sweet, just like you. You’re the nice cousin, probably near the top of everyone’s Favorite Cousin List (we all have one, don’t lie). Also, like sweet potato casserole, you’re versatile. Whereas SPC can be a dessert or a main meal side dish, you’re down for a Thanksgiving flag football sesh or a slow day inside reading and watching your family count down the clock until they can go home and debrief about how annoying Aunt Kelly and Uncle Jeff were this year.
- Pumpkin Pie
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Cue the confetti cannons, we have arrived. It’s the one, the only, the beloved pumpkin pie. Note: If you don’t like pumpkin pie, something is actually critically wrong with you and you should really see a doctor ASAP. Okay back to your regularly scheduled programming: pumpkin pie is a staple to the Thanksgiving holiday. The all-around All-Star. And if pumpkin pie is your favorite, congratulations! You carry Thanksgiving on your back. As a pumpkin pie stan, you’re the interesting one, the family member everyone wants to talk to. You never disappoint. You’re the one I know won’t repeat the not-so-nice things I have to say about that one family member. And honestly, because you’re so awesome, you’ll agree with me. Even better, you help in the kitchen! Even if it is just the pies. You pride yourself on your pumpkin pie-making ability, and you should. They’re delicious. They’re a hit with the family. But like I said, you’re the cool one, so you also hate “Kids Do the Dishes” Night just like me.
Jocelyn Hsu / Spoon
Here’s to a happy and healthy Thanksgiving holiday from me to you. Remember, Thanksgiving is supposed to be yummy and delicious! Never feel bad about how much or what you ate. Pass the mashed potatoes, please!