When I first heard about love languages, I thought it was just more Internet jargon made up by people who wanted to further complicate something that we all already have such a hard time understanding—love. Little did I know, learning about my love language and the love languages of others around me would significantly change my perspective on relationships forever. Unbeknownst to me, having a clear sense of what my personal love language is helped answer many of the questions about love I had initially struggled with and had buried in my head.
We constantly hear about how everyone’s different than us, and we’re often prompted and advised to treat everyone differently—that everyone has their own beliefs and ways of expression. Well, the foundation of love languages sort of bounces off from that, but we’re going to get more specific as to how just having the sheer knowledge and awareness of your love language can transform the relationships you currently have in your life.
#HonestHour. Do you find yourself asking these questions or having similar thoughts like these:
Why does he not do this for me if he loves me?
Buying flowers takes little to no effort, why does he not surprise me?
If my friend’s partner can do that, why can’t he?
If I were him, I wouldn’t even think twice about doing ____.
I put way more effort into our relationship than her/him; I bet he’s lazy.
… the list goes on!
There are 5 types of love languages, which one is yours?
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Words of Affirmation: You like hearing that you are loved and appreciated. You prioritize verbal affirmation over tangible items or even actions—regularly assuring you is the way to go for you. You like it when your partner tells you why he loves and appreciates you.
- Receiving Gifts: You like it when your partner expresses his love through the gifts he gets for you. He buys you gifts (big or small) to let you know that you’re on his mind and that he’s constantly thinking of you.
- Acts of Service: You like it when your partner expresses his love through his actions of service to you. This includes driving you to places, buying back a meal for you after a long day of work or even setting reminders for you on your phone.
- Quality Time: You like it when your partner prioritizes spending quality time with you. You think that time together is the most precious gift he can give you. This time together doesn’t have to be entirely physical too—it could be Skype dates!
- Physical Touch: You like it when your partner physically shows that he loves you. You like when he constantly leans in to hug or kiss you as his form of expression of his love for you.
A little disclaimer: I’m in no way saying that what you feel towards your partner is not valid. Everyone’s situation is different, and it is important to know when to realize you can be a little more understanding or when to stand up for yourself. Never ever compare your relationship with anyone else’s or with the ones you’ve had in the past. Comparison mostly harbors negative feelings, so it is not worth it. Live in and seize the moment. Look forward.
Not one love language is more legitimate than the other. Although just knowing about what your love language is will not solve your issues for you, it sure does make a great first step at better understanding your relationship and the disagreements that you may have. Sometimes, disagreements, at their core, form because of the misunderstanding and misinterpretation of both of your actions, so use your love language to help better understand your partner during those times!