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Trying Not To Cry Bittersweet Tears: A Reflection Of My Time At HCUCLA

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UCLA chapter.

I’m sitting in Young Research Library as I write this. I’m on the second floor, my favorite place to study. With it being the height of finals week, all the good spots are taken so I am in one of the makeshift side tables. Normally I would be annoyed about being in an inferior spot, but right now, I’m just taking everything in. This is the last time I will be sitting on this floor. Five minutes ago I submitted my last assignment of UCLA; this article is the last thing I have left of my undergraduate responsibilities, and now I am desperately trying to ignore that uneasy feeling in my stomach. I’m done with college. Done with classes, essays, finals, office hours, everything and now I’m clinging to this piece of writing for dear life. 

If you know me, you know that I am not ready to graduate. I may be ready to give up the classes and stressful all-nighters, but I am not ready to willingly give up the UCLA community that I’ve learned to call home. I’m going to miss the walkability of Westwood, my beautiful commute to class (even the steps), the fireplace at Northern Lights, the coffee at Café 451, the yelling outside my window at two AM as people leave a party and definitely my Her Campus experience. 

I joined Her Campus at UCLA in fall of 2020 during the height of the pandemic. I remember decision letters came out days earlier than I was told, and I was ecstatic to yell down the stairs to my mom that I had been accepted onto the Editorial team. The funny thing is, before Her Campus, I wasn’t really a writer. I wrote essays for school, and English was always one of my stronger subjects, but I didn’t run a blog, I didn’t think about journalism, I was (and still am) notoriously bad at keeping a journal. I’m still unsure what made me apply. Maybe it was the sense of community everyone seemed to have, maybe it was the amazing opportunities that the executive board boasted about. I’m not sure, but all I know is I am so happy that I stayed up until 3am EST submitting my application when I came across the opportunity the night it was due. 

Her Campus has done a lot for me. I learned that writing is actually such a therapeutic way to process my feelings. The very first article I wrote for this chapter was titled “My Experience Growing Up As A Brown Girl In The Conservative South.” I had an outlet to share my story of feeling outcasted, and people actually read it. I remember feeling so proud, and thinking, “Hey, maybe I can do something with writing outside of school.” 

If you’ve followed my portfolio for a while, you would know that article started a trend of me posting a fair share of therapeutic and mental health pieces from participating in pageants with surgery scars to having 3 disorders to even one of my most recent pieces that helped me process battling hate comments on my TikTok. Her Campus has helped me maintain my well-being, and the best part is that I am surrounded by a group of supportive women who not only read my articles, but also reach out to me about them. 

Her Campus also taught me that I love talking and interviewing people. Whenever there was the opportunity, I jumped on the chance to learn about someone’s life stories and successes. My first profile interviewed student entrepreneur Jaylah Koree, and that bounced me into interviewing famous TikTokers, business owners and local LA business reps. Specifically, my pieces with gown designer Ashley Lauren and the local romance bookstore The Ripped Bodice have been my favorites, and made me realize that maybe I could go into fashion and entertainment journalism. I remember this passion of mine feeling so validated when just two weeks ago, my profile about UCLA’s Hip Hop Congress with Kanwulia Onianwa won 1st place internationally with Her Campus for “Best Profile.” Because of Her Campus, I went from writing only when it was mandatory to now considering it as a professional career. This chapter has literally changed my life direction.

Writing for Her Campus has been amazing (and has gotten me so far, professionally), but the people in the club are even better. I am not going to lie: before this year, I didn’t know many girls in Her Campus. I can sometimes be introverted, and a year and a half of virtual meetings made fostering connections hard. However, I promised myself that this year would be different. Of course, it still took me a while to get myself comfortable. I didn’t go to my first social meeting until December of this school year, but I remember being so excited and surprised by how comfortable I felt around the girls who attended. We laughed, bonded over music and there was such a comfortable environment, one that I don’t typically feel at club socials. 

Since then, I went to every social event I could and I can confidently tell you that my December social was not a one-time occurrence. Every time I met a group of girls, I felt comfortable, happy and supported. Sometimes, an all girl environment can feel catty or intimidating, but I can wholeheartedly say that Her Campus at UCLA girls are the kindest, most supportive people on the planet. They’ve helped me feel confident in myself, feel loved and supported. I’ve laughed with them, I’ve talked about boys with them, I’ve even done Pink Whitney shots and have drunk margaritas with them. They made a significant portion of my UCLA community, and they aren’t people I’m ready to leave behind. I’d rather go through 50 weeks of a dead period with writing pitches (every writer knows the struggle of hitting a creative block) than leave them. And of course, I’ll keep in touch after I graduate, but there is something so gut-wrenching about losing the accessibility to them, about not having the routine of knowing I’ll see them every Wednesday night. 

I have so much to thank Her Campus for. For inspiring me to write as my true self, for giving me a group of friends I can feel happy around and look up to and even some of the cutest photos in my album (I’m looking at you beach day social!). It’s going to be hard to replicate a group as special as this chapter. So, if you take anything from my experience or these paragraphs of emotional word vomit, I hope that it’s to take a chance. I took a chance applying, having no idea what would happen. I took a chance writing really personal articles, not knowing if anyone would care. I took a chance reaching out to random people to see if I could interview them. And I took a chance going to socials despite barely knowing anyone. Everything I got out of these chances was truly invaluable. You never know how a small decision can impact your life so I encourage you to take those small steps or those giant leaps. 

Finally, I would like to dedicate these last words (that will go in my Her Campus portfolio) to the girls of the UCLA chapter. We are an ELITE chapter because you are all ELITE. You are all so amazing, talented and kind, and if I can take on any of the qualities you all exude, I know I’ll be okay post-grad. Thank you for everything, Her Campus UCLA; I love you.

BriannaRose is a UCLA Communications major and Film/TV minor who aspires to break boundaries and stigmas. As an aspiring creative director and editorial writer, she works on student films and photography projects, and has professional experience in entertainment and fashion journalism, fashion public relations and internal communications for cable. In addition to writing, BriannaRose volunteers at local animal shelters, competes in pageants, and is always excited to read a contemporary romance novel.