I have been doing long distance my entire college career. There are a lot of expectations I wish I hadn’t had going into this journey, because they put a lot of pressure on the relationship and myself as an individual. So, instead of sobbing on Valentine’s Day 3000 miles away from my boyfriend like I did freshman year, I am kicked back on a galentine’s getaway to Big Sur, thinking about my boyfriend (who is probably skiing right now) and giving advice that may sound harsh, but will help your long distance relationship in the long run.Â
You’re not always going to know the next time you’re going to see each other – and that’s okay
Freshman year, I was under the impression that as long as we had the next visit planned, it would be okay and we could count down to that date. I was so stressed out every time we were apart if we did not have a plane ticket booked within the next two months. But then I realized, especially at UCLA, you can’t really plan more than nine weeks in advance (sometimes even less) because midterms could be any time between weeks two and ten. I learned this the hard way, after eating some money for nonrefundable plane tickets. In reality, you really have to wait until you have your specific syllabi to plan a getaway, but it’s not too bad. There doesn’t always have to be an impending countdown. Sometimes, it’s even better not to because it takes the pressure off of the visit. People ask me all the time when is the next time I am going to see Max, and I’ve learned that it’s okay to say, “I don’t know, we haven’t planned that far ahead”.
You’re not going to be able to call each other every day – and that’s okay too
This reality is similar to the first one, but when I went to school, I was under the impression we would recap everyday together before we went to bed. News flash: we both have lives. We have conflicting class, club, and social schedules PLUS he is three hours ahead of me, so this never really worked out the way I wanted it to. However, one of the best tricks we have for keeping in touch is we share our Google Calendars with each other. This displays our schedules side by side, in different colors, so if I have a few moments to call him I can easily check his schedule to see if he is free too. This gets rid of a lot of disappointment once the answering machine picks up, because I have more of an insight into what he may be doing.Â
Your other relationships will flourish
I often say that even if Max and I went to the same school, we’d never see each other. This is because we are both SO INVOLVED in our separate lives. But, I don’t think this is a bad thing! Instead of spending time trying to find guys when I go out (there’s nothing wrong with that BTW, you do you) I can give all of my attention to dance-battling my friends, giving drunken advice, and being the comedic relief. I spend all my time with my friends on my weekends and have really been able to give my full self to my friendships in a noticeable way.Â
It never gets easier, sorry
Everyone says that you’ll get used to it, but you won’t. It really sucks not being with your person most of the time. The only thing that gets easier is that the time until college is over, and you can live on the same coast, gets smaller and smaller.Â
Long distance is totally worth it, but it’s a lot different from what I thought it would be. It’s constantly changing, routines are shifting, but through it all it has been so vital to my sanity to have Max as a constant throughout college. No matter what’s going on in LA, I have someone in Vermont who loves me no matter what.