There are so many components that add up to a wonderful, balanced life. A life filled with positivity, purpose, motivation, happiness, rest and ease. But how do we know that we are experiencing all of those things? At what point can we say, hey, I really am happy?
Well, of course happiness is entirely subjective. But a large component of experiencing true happiness is who we are surrounded by— our social circle, the social connections we make and hold onto. In a study of 1400 students at Harvard, called “Very Happy People” results showed a 70% correlation between social support and happiness, a “higher connection than between smoking and cancer.” The study further showed that those with weaker social circles and fewer social ties are “2 to 3 times more likely to suffer from depression, as compared to those with stronger social bonds.” So, is a strong social circle the key to happiness? No. But is it a large component of stability emotion-wise? Yes! So how do we reach that? How do we surround ourselves by the right people and hold on to them in the best way possible?
We first must assess what we really want out of a relationship. What is it that we need, and what can we give in return for those needs to be fulfilled? Each of us gains something from each friendship we have, yet we sometimes fall short when trying to understand what that really is. This is coined by the mutual understanding that every single relationship holds a different purpose, so we should not expect everyone in our circle to add to our lives in the same way. A friend from class may be an amazing study partner, but not the best at giving relationship advice. A sibling is great at knowing us inside and out, but would love to get us in trouble by Mom— the secret thus lies:
No relationship will ever be perfect, and do not take anything personally.
These two go hand in hand. No relationship will ever be perfect. The more you try to fix every flaw a friend has, the more you struggle internally to trust and love that person. A friend might be the most fun to hang out with, but really hard to study with. So what? No need to nag on that person; you just know when you two work best together and when you don’t. No one will ever be perfect or satisfy all of your needs, and the moment you come to terms with the value of imperfection in relationships is when you will see them prosper.
Now what? You know what you want and understand that you won’t get it all from a single person. So how do you make sure the circle you are surrounded by is positive, healthy, inspiring, loyal and makes you feel GOOD? How do you know when it’s time to whip out the scissors and cut them out? How do we perfect our circle as best we can?
Intentions. Everything boils down to the intentions of others. This again connects to imperfections in relationships. I promise, as long as someone has the right intentions, there is no need to dramatize anything you may perceive as a “problem.” Because the more you invest in investigation and deep thinking, the more unhappy you will become with that person and yourself in return. So, ask yourself: did he/she have bad intentions? Yes? Talk to them, and if issues still persist, distance yourself. You don’t need that energy. But wait, they didn’t have bad intentions? Let it be. There is no time to nitpick at every possible issue because it will never end. With that, it’s a waste to easily exchange the good-intentioned with the ill-intentioned, for someone who is good-intentioned and does the wrong thing is not mean, but rather someone who made a mistake.
Remember… No one is perfect. You will never reach peace if you expect everything out of everyone.