Raised on Courtship: Love Through a Cultural Lens

In a world full of dating apps, talking stages, and situationships, the concept of courtship can feel almost outdated or even foreign. But for me, courtship was never something I had to discover. It was something I was raised around, woven into stories, traditions, and the way love was modeled in my cultural upbringing. 

So when I talk about love, I’m not just talking about romance. I’m talking about intention.

what is courtship

Typically, courtship is viewed as the classic approach to taking things slowly when it comes to dating. It’s the buildup before a relationship is ever defined to be anything official–and honestly, that’s the beauty of it. Courtship lives in the yearning, the pining, the waiting. It isn’t rushed or sudden. It starts with genuine interest, and if nurtured with care, slowly grows into something more.

There’s no running to someone out of convenience, no emotional detachment masked as keeping things casual. Instead, it is rooted in pure intention, effort, and consistency. Grand gestures don’t define it, but by the sincerity of making someone feel chosen through actions, not by ambiguity. 

love through a Filipino cultural lens

When it comes to love, Filipinos have their own special way of expressing it, one that values work, commitment, and perseverance.  All the time, energy, and effort poured into someone could never be measured, worth far more than money could ever offer. Courtship in Filipino culture is expressed in many forms, but a few stand out to me the most.

Harana (Serenading) 

Sometimes, the way to someone’s heart is through music, and I’ll admit, I’m guilty of falling for that every time. Traditionally, harana involved a suitor standing beneath the bedroom window of the person he hoped to court, singing as a way to express his intentions. 

While that exact image may not feel realistic today, the sentiment still resonates with me. I can’t help but picture the classic “modern” versions of harana–like John Cusack standing outside the window holding a boombox or Heath Ledger singing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You.” At its core, harana is about showing up and using music as a way to say, “I choose you.”

Paninilbihan (Servitude)

In Filipino culture, showing good character—especially in front of a partner’s parents—has always mattered. Paninilbihan reflects this value through acts of service, where a suitor helps with tasks and chores as a way of demonstrating respect, sincerity, and responsibility. These gestures were never meant to be performative or transactional, but rather a quiet way of showing one’s intentions.

To me, acts of service aren’t about proving worth; they’re about presence. They show the lengths someone is willing to go to contribute meaningfully to another person’s life. It’s a way of saying, “I want to be here for you,” through action. It shows care, reliability, and a willingness to be someone another person can truly depend on.

Balak (spoken poetry)

This is something that feels truly rare to come by these days. Personally, I’ve always been more drawn to love letters—something tangible to keep and look back on—but there’s something undeniably powerful about expressing feelings out loud, without a page to hide behind. There’s no reading between the lines. These moments feel timeless, capable of whisking someone away into the emotion of the moment, where words are felt just as much as they are heard.

Why Courtship Means So Much to Me

Admittedly, I’ve put courtship on a pedestal in my own expectations of love. There’s just something about the old-school romance that gets my heart feeling some type of way. Growing up, I’ve watched countless Filipino movies and teleseries, always catching myself feeling kilig over the love stories unfolding on screen. Seeing all these iconic “love teams” had me cheesing every time, quietly hoping for the kind of love that they had. 

Courtship, to me, represents the kind of love that is patient enough to wait. It is love that is carefully thought out and intentional with every action. It’s the type of love that truly shows you how you deserve to be treated, making you feel valued, wanted, and secure. There’s nothing half-done about it. There’s no partial effort or uncertainty, just full commitment and genuine dedication. 

Revive the lost art of courtship

In a world that often rushes love, choosing courtship can feel out of the ordinary. But for me, it’s simply how I learned to love: rooted in tradition, intention, and the belief that love should feel meaningful.

Courtship isn’t about going backward. It’s about slowing down enough to let love mean something.

• acts of service
• courtship
• culture
• filipino
• filipino culture
• heritage
• love
• love language
• love letters
• romance
• serenade
• tradition
• yearning