In college, our friend groups usually become our family away from home. Our friends have group chats, have meals and parties together, go on adventures and have quiet nights where we bond at an intellectual or emotional level. But, what happens when you decide to date one of those friends in the group? Well, first off, it is only human nature to possibly begin dating someone in close proximity. So, don’t feel as if romantic feelings for a friend are unwarranted or impossible. It happens. Many questions will flood your head before making the final commitment, which both you and your possible significant other need to decide on. Here are some of the pros and cons of dating in your friend group.
Let’s start with the pros because love is beautiful and should be allowed to grow. A big pro is dating this person will not have to be an interview with a stranger. Most likely you have known this person for quite a while, and already are comfortable around the person. Also because the person was a part of your group, it means you do not have to deal with awkwardly introducing them to your other friends. Another pro is, it is easier to see your significant other around the campus. You do not have to split time with them and your squad. Finally, and this is a significant issue, this person may be “The One.” And if this person is “The One,” then there is certainly life after college and it would be wrong to not be with “The One” for a two to four year commitment to other friends at college.
Notwithstanding those three great “pros,” there are important “cons.” One con is that you will likely have far less time without your significant other than if you met a person who was not part of the group. It is important to have time away from them since your life should not revolve around a boyfriend/girlfriend. So many couples feel the need to stay at each other’s side, but it is more healthy if you do not do this. Time alone is important, but your commitments to friends and other parts of your life are also important. There are a variety of “cons” situations which stream from this single factor, especially if you and the other person break up–and it will most likely make the group’s dynamic awkward. Even if the break up is mutual and drama free, it will be weird for the group (and you especially) if your ex finds someone else in the group or finds someone else outside the group and brings the new lover into the group. The weirdness around an ex is perfectly human. If one does break up it is important not to make the rest of the friend group pick sides.
Overall, it is up to you whether you date someone in your group. It all comes down to what you and the other person are comfortable with and how each of you keep boundaries with the group. I know a lot of people who tell me they would never date someone in their friend group. People want to avoid drama, which is completely understandable. Personally I think love is an act of bravery, so it will always have ways of failing. But if being romantically involved with someone is worth it, then maybe take that leap of faith. If your feelings are strong for someone, and the feeling is reciprocated, it is probably better not to have that possible romance be a “what-if.” So, will you take that leap?