Dating today is a whole-lot different than dating years ago. Today, we have both an immensely convenient way of contact along with a superb stalking tool: social media.
Social media does a few things. Firstly, it makes it really easy to get a hold of someone while simultaneously let someone go. If you go on a date, aren’t feeling it, you can remove them from socials and they’ll get the message. There’s no need to vocalize your feelings towards that person. There is no longer responsibility for having common courtesy. Second, you can find out a lot about a person without even knowing them. This leads to inevitably creating false expectations, jumping into the pool of assumptions and knowing too much, way too early on. The beauty of dating is getting to know someone, not trying to figure everything out before the fun even starts. Lastly, games are far too easy to play. If they don’t answer, you begin to question yourself. If they don’t watch your story, you begin to question yourself. But the best part is: you begin creating narratives about the situation, when there’s really not actually much to it.
Women: you don’t owe a man anything, ever. At the same time, he doesn’t owe you anything until he does. If you’re just casually dating, no one owes each other anything, so let go. Stop caring so much.
Sounds easier said than done. Here’s how to go about it:
- STAY busy. Put away your phone. Stop waiting to see when he will text you. His texts shouldn’t even matter, you are a busy girl! Stay busy, keep your priorities straight and let this guy be just another thing to take you out and for you to enjoy.
- Enjoy yourself. If you aren’t enjoying yourself, what’s the point? On to the next.
- Be open. Sure, maybe he wasn’t your type before, but this time it could be different. Have patience.
- Plan in advance. Don’t make him think he can just make last minute plans with you and get away with it. You are a busy girl, he better plan that date in advance. This will show if he actually cares and is worth your time.
- Do not think too far into the future. It hasn’t happened yet. You don’t even know this person. All you have to think about is what you’re wearing on your next date, and if you’ll even like him (not if he will like you). That’s it.
- Do not make him think you are all his. He doesn’t even know you yet, and you’re going to let him think he’s the only guy you’re seeing? The power has automatically shifted, and he has no motivation to put in effort.
- Don’t lie, but don’t give him all the answers. Why play all your cards so early on? That leaves no room for fun.
- Do not make him your priority. I’ll say it again, you are a busy girl! He is your last priority until he makes you a top priority. And when he does, you’ll know.
- If he hasn’t texted you about your date, you don’t have to remind him. It simply means he doesn’t want to go. Go do something else; you have better things to do anyway.
- Do not have high expectations too early on. It’s casual until it isn’t. You’ll know when it isn’t. And I know this one is easier said than done, but try your best.
When To Run
- Love bombing. Is he saying I love you a week in? Love bombing manipulates you into thinking he is this nice guy that can do no wrong. Then, you’re flooded with guilt for thinking anything other than wanting to be with him. If he love bombs, run.
- Does he keep canceling? That’s no fun. It clearly means he doesn’t care. Stop making excuses. Move on.
- Does he only compliment you on your looks? You have way more to offer. Run.
- Does he post pictures with his car? Yikes. That means his self worth doesn’t come from his intellect, mind, or life, but his car… it’s fine to have a luxury car, but why post about it? Is that all you have to offer? That’s a big no. Run.
Obviously, every situation is different, but here’s what I’ve learned through the years. These are all from my personal experiences, but if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that us girls need to stick together. As long as you’re enjoying yourself, you’re safe, and he’s not toxic, you should be okay.