I have noticed over the years how concerned my female friends are over whether they are going to get married or not. At a young age, they became their own Mrs. Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, deeply concerned about whether they are going to find a spouse to marry. To many women, marriage is viewed as the single most important basis to judge their value as human beings. In reality, our value as human beings does not depend upon whether or not we get married.
I must admit I have made jokes about how I am going to be dying a lonely spinster. Mostly, it is just a joke. But sometimes when I say that, I find there is a small moment of panic: what if I do end up dying an old maid? I then found verbalizing the joke and the small moment of panic led me to learn various female friends had similar thoughts. We all talk about how great it is to be independent and single in this modern age, but we also find the anxieties of dying alone are in the corner of our minds as well. Meanwhile, my guy friends who often struggle in finding loving relationships remain sure they will get married to someone they love and who loves them. They simply have no doubt that it will happen for them. So, I think to myself- and now to you- why is that?
I think we should start with the fact that men are not told at a young age they should think about marriage and having children. Men are not told there is any biological time clock slowly but consistently clicking away. I never hear any “home and hearth” rhetoric directed at guys who I have known over the years. And I certainly never hear guys told they have marriage-based expiration dates and how, whether it is implied or expressed, their marriage value is diminished or voided simply by time, not anything to do with their character.
Young women should not be so focused on the idea of getting married. Wanting to be in a relationship is a human value men and women all share. However, we should just make sure that we enjoy ourselves in life and that we respect ourselves. Instead of focusing on our love lives, we should think about all the wonderful opportunities we have at the moment.
Dating around, going on adventures, trying new and fun activities and talking to people we never thought we would ever speak with, will make us more interesting, wise and maybe even more fun. When else are we going to live, if not now? And, in being active, let the love of your life find you. That sounds a hell of a lot better than moping around, feeling fearful about the future, despondent and isolated.